Tuesday, September 27, 2011


Can we act as if there is nothing ever happen, even the worst condition? Generally, people will think that human will have emotions, will have attitude, will have feelings. Yes, indeed different people will show them in different ways. But I can tell is that, some feelings are meant to be keep, meant to be hide away from public, thus it slowly buried inside and become apart of your life, numb.

It had been around one month since I decided to delete someone from my Facebook. At first when I made this decision, I feel very regret as I miss him so much, somehow, this makes me stronger. Stronger to face the day after tomorrow and the followings. Few reasons that I deleted him. People are selfish themselves, hence I consider myself is when I decided to protect myself from those bloody harm... Human feelings can't keep on resist what is bad at each time, so is my body, soul and mind. 

Perhaps, they have reached their limits, or I'm done enough in doing my "being patience" job. In spite after deleted him, I started to feel much happier, much stronger, much freedom, much relax than before. People says eyes are the important element and it transfer what you saw to your brain, mind and heart. Yes! I agreed.  Sometimes it's hurt enough to see those bloody Facebook messages, those comments that trigger my anger and maybe jealousy, or maybe hatred to those innocent people.

I feel bad that I've change to someone different and I don't really know who is she. I really miss my old-self. Finally, I can proudly say that, TianLi is back! :) She still belongs to herself, her old-self, the one that likes happiness and live to enjoy life.

Last but not least to say that, I've perhaps change a little of myself. Change the way of loving him. Give him freedom and don't ask more, tho sometimes I don't feel like giving him too much freedom. Let him decide and do what he thinks is the best, tho sometimes it's not. Believe him no matter what, even sometimes I feel that he's cheating on me. Smile, even though I'm breaking inside. Because, smile is the one thing that I can do, to make him feel easy, and live his life without worries about me.

*Pretend to be happy is not for own sake, but for other people* :)

Till now, bye. TianLi.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Now is the time to stop regretting the past and feeling sorry for yourself.
This absolutely has to be the top way to waste your time and waste your life.  Dwelling on something that you did or happened to you in the past won’t change it or make it any better.  What’s happened has already done it’s work on you, and how you choose to hold onto it or let it go shapes who you are.  I think it’s important to take life moment by moment, as everyone is constantly changing, and it is best to be open to these changes.  You are a different person than you were 5 years ago, 5 months ago, or even 5 minutes ago, and although it can be important to reflect upon ourselves, lingering on and letting the past define us is a terrible mistake.
I tend to let life happen to me, rather than make life happen.  Just go with the flow and make sure to enjoy the ride. (Unknown)

I love how this person view life. I will take it as a lesson. So that I will never waste my time on those nonsense thing anymore. It's so funny how I'm getting lost and forget that I actually hold on to this word long time ago. Where did it go? Well, I suppose it's coming back :)

I better concentrate on my studies.. no more jealousy, because someone told me that even he chats with other girls, going out with other girls, how close they are.. he's still mine.. I can't change his behavior or how things flow.. and I also can't change the fact that he likes me better.. so why not I do my part.. and do all what I can. Just let it flow with the stream.. and that's it! :)

Perhaps it's right. Growing with learning. :) I live my life better now.

Monday, September 5, 2011


This eyes, never stop crying just for you.

Tears keep rolling for the happiness that you gifted..
Tears fall down for the pain you gave..
Tears fall down from missing you badly..

 Do you even care if I cry for you? 
They say no man is worth if he makes a girl cry, 
and if he's worth, he won't make a girl cry.. 
But, for me..a man that's worth for a girl 
is worth crying for...
I'm stupid right..

Do you know how many fucking times I cried for you?

Sunday, September 4, 2011

The truth.

I wish i would've told you more earlier what happened
I couldnt
Swallow my pride ..
And its crazy as you heard it from somebody else
And now u asking me why
Dont know why i did that to you
i swear i thought you made me complete
Sorry i made you look like a fool
But i needed someone here with me

Why werent you there when i needed you by my side
Why werent you there when you made everything so right
Why werent you there cause it hurts like hell to know that were through
but finally Im telling you the truth

I wish this situation wasnt so complicated
But you deserve to know
Ahh, one day led to another
Stop thinking about us
Then I couldnt do it no more
dont know why I did that to you
i swear i thought you made me complete
Sorry i made you look like a fool
But i needed someone here with me

Why werent you there when i needed you by my side
Why werent you there when you made everything so right
Why werent you there cause its hurts like hell to know that were through
but finally Im telling you the truth

This is also sad
And I cant take It back
And to see you cry
Makes me feels so bad
I Wish I could take this big mistake
Make it go away but its too late

Why werent you there when i needed you by my side
Why werent you there when you made everything so right
Why werent you there cause its hurts like hell to know that were through
But finally Im telling you the truth

Saturday, September 3, 2011


I'm trying to pull myself out from the fire. I'm trying to prevent myself to do something that will only make myself look ugly in the end. I'm totally out of system right now!!!

This time I really give out everything that I have. After all, I don't hope for any hope, just please don't hurt me so deep anymore.. I'm just very fragile.. I can't bear for any damages anymore.. I will lose control..

If you're going to stay, be faithful to me, without flirting around, being serious, then please have your time here and I will devoted you my 100% of love and promise happiness.
If you're going to let go, then please do it fast.. just don't let me hanging over there.. and purposely let me see your "sweetness" to your "buddy".
If you're going to flirt, tease with you "buddy" and at the same time holding me, then I'm going to tell you once again.. I'm just fragile. If you did that, I can very sure that I will do what you do. If you want me, stop flirting with your "buddy", don't let me see it. If not, I will change my direction. As simple as that. I can stop flirting with others, why don't you do that same?

I know what you did. The more you cover it, the more mess it's coming out. Right now, I will do what you're doing. Which is flirting around. Fair isn't? HAHA.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Begging myself.

I'm going to smile like there's no more tomorrow,
I'm going to laugh like there's no more else problem surrounds me,
And I'm going to tell you that this heart just lied..

Haix, Lai Tian Li.. What happen to you already? Please return to your old-self.
You don't deserve such pathetic and emo style.. Please, I beg you to return..

Monday, August 29, 2011

Heavenly haven II

I need to be in the crowded place so that I won't feel lonely alone and simply reload my mind with those stupid things anymore. I feel so dangerous to be alone now.. Haha.. Because I don't know what I'm gonna do.. Someday, I hope someone can bring me to a heavenly haven that no one will recognize me and so do they. Shisshhh, I totally forgot I actually belongs to my little world.. But now I hate to be alone.. I either need something else to accompany me if I did. Such things like TV, online radio, and sort of entertainment. I start to dislike Facebook for some reasons. Should I go and delete my own page? And re-create a new one? Dilemma, but still, I'm really stubborn because I can't run away and drag myself from this stupid page already. Except you ask me go vacation, I guess I will dump it for 3 months is not a problem :)

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Heavenly haven.

Did I make it?

I feel that my private life has been intruded by someone. Last time I have a habit to write all my private things inside my blog, now? I'll make it less emotional lahh.. It's not necessary to pour all here. Because all those haven't been proof out, so what's the matter I'm writing out here..

Currently been studying for my final. And I also searching for songs that could inspire me. Hey, I've found one! "My love my fate" by Janice/ Leo Ku, but I think Leo Ku did the best tho original was by Janice.

Staying home is heavenly spot. Good foods, comfortable bed, nice air-cond. I'm feeling bless and blast and appreciate! Tho it's thousand miles from him, but I think it's not a matter. We sometimes need to give each other a space. Sometimes, 24/7 together is not necessary a good thing at all. I bet he's enjoying his one week holiday at home before going to war too!

Anyways, happy studying and Buddha bless lahh :)

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Here and there.

Just done my dinner with a small size of Mcd porridge, french fries, 3 pieces of nuggets, one sundae chocolate topping and a coke. I'm like a pregnant lady, full and bursting. Hehe. Yesterday just back from KL, where I had my lunch with friends at Jogoya. Then, today whole body feel ache! My arms and my legs, both feel like they were just finished a long marathon. I said, went to KL shopping is like going to gym and burn off my calories! Haha. I just love shopping nowadays. I bought a bag- white color, a jean pants- light blue and a couple t-shirt from Body Glove. wow. And I did choose one black jacket to dear him. What a tiring day. I never shop like that since a long time. Then we went to watch a movie- The rise of the planet of the apes. Nice movie tho.

Final is around the corner, and I'm somehow feel like a lazy bumps. I need to find back my mode to study. Midterms were sucks enough to kill me if I still hanging here and wasting my time on useless thing. I will find time to touch everything else before final start on 12.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Just another post :)

夢一場, but I like Jam Hsiao version more. No offence. :)

They said, don't ever look back, just move forward. How true is this word?
by looking backward I able to view back for what I've missed, 
and by looking forward I can able to re-do for what I've already missed.
by looking into the past, it reminds me not to repeat the same mistakes again..
and by looking forward I can able to re-correct for what I've done in past.
Talk is easy as shit, but do is as hard as moving a mountain.

My emotions can be easily affected. 
Last time when I was having lunch with my parents in one restaurant,
I saw an old man was sitting not far from us, he was eating alone.
It was not a matter to me.
But, when I saw the way he was eating, it touched my heart.
He was like having Parkinson, his hand was shaking while taking dishes on the table.
Suddenly, I saw the food drop on table while he was taking it. 
He picked up and quickly move it in to his mouth. I was thinking, where was his son? Daughter?
And I looked at my parents, and I silently keep a promise to myself that, no matter what happen to them, 
I will still choose not to leave them in any circumstances.

 I starts to appreciate, tho sometimes I feel like they treat me like a baby,
that's the way they show their caring... 
Love them! ;)

Monday, July 25, 2011

It was just an empty cage. RIP.

How to start to story?

Did I ever told you that I love seeing cute bunny & inside myself I always hope to adopt one.
I know I don't have any experience on advocate any pet before. 
But under the support from him, and very sure can taking care of one under his guiding, 
I open my heart to adopt one. He bought it! 
Yes, he bought one cute little bunny-boy. Guess it is months old. Greyish in color.
Last Saturday, was the first time he entered into my room and my world.
It brighten my life. Everytime I will peep at him, to see what he is doing. Lol, he's sucha cute little boy!

Wonder what name should he be named?

Until yesterday evening, he looked weird. He kept excretes mucus that was wet and smelly; Diarrhea. 
At first I thought he was suffered from dirty water. YieNan then change the water he drank. 
It kept me worrying until night, he finally poo a hard one. 
Thinking he was okey, me and YieNan went out to buy burger. 
When came back, I saw that bunny kept hiding and when I went closer, he suddenly dropped his head!!

Our fav stun on him! Act die. Lol. Stun 1.

 It was a moment when YieNan took him out, hold him and kept saying.. "hey.. what's wrong with you??" 
I saw the bunny so weak.. it can't even held his own head, even hardly to stand still, just like a cotton. 
YieNan gave me signal that the bunny is going to die. 
Feel shocked and blanked, I hold my tears, not letting it to flow out. 

 The bunny struggles to survive, it seems like suffocate, losing its breath, but keep breathing. 
It hurts me the most to see it like that, finally, tears came out. 
It then showing the signal of tetanus or lockjaw. Why? Because it's showing the symptoms like muscular rigidity and breathing difficulties. We both feel so helpless, can't help but put it on a towel then place it inside the cage. We both laying on the bed, thinking to close our eyes, but it just so sad to think that it struggling alone. YieNan kept console me.

Stun 2.
Stun 3.

 It's just some time then suddenly, heard a sound from the cage. It was 1 something in the morning. We both woke up to see the bunny. YieNan keep pressing the bunny to prevent it from struggling because the bunny keep on turning his body, something like can't stand the pain. There was a sound coming from him. The sound of gasping for air.. 

Miss his stuns, ;(
 It was the first time and last time I heard from a bunny. Holding tears, we both knew he will leaves us soon, so we kept accompany it for the last time. 
Yes, the last moment before he died, his body cramped. 

He was trying to escape! So naughty! Lol.

Deciding to buried him the next day, we put it inside a box, place it in the cage. 
Woke up in the morning looking at the cage, there was no sign of him anymore, because I keep hoping that he will awake from his sweetest dream. 
Lol. Nothing inside, but an empty cage. Hope he will rest in peace, he will. 

The moment that I remembered most was the moment YieNan holding it and said his eyes was blinking. 
And I ask the bunny to blink again, and it seemed like listen to what I said as it blinked again. 
I asked YieNan that why that bunny didn't showed that he was suffering in the beginning, 
YieNan said, that bunny don't want to make me worry, he keep hold on until we came back from outside. Haven't think a name for him, he already leaved us. I miss you.


Friday, July 15, 2011

Gloomy vs Rainbow

This is my life. Currently busying for assignments and revision on midterms. 
Just left Business Ethics and Business Finance assignments only. 
Actually, Ethics assignments should be passed up by last week, but was rejected by Darren.
Then we need to redo it again. The next submit day is next Monday, 
but I got a feeling that it will be rejected too. Hopefully my instinct was not true. lol.
I read my blog, all seems gloomy, I guess, I will start to make it more  to rainbow.. I hope I can do it.

Cheers.. <3

Thursday, June 9, 2011

I need a rest!

So stressful. But I can't find any method to release my tension. Perhaps I need some clubbing, alcohol or one day trip to anywhere I want. Sounds fun, but hard to do it. The coming weeks is not the 'enjoying' week. It's a 'sacrifices' week ever! This Sem is really bringing me to hell!

Tonight I feel so blue, all because the loads of works from the subjects taken! Gross! So, I barely talk so much. I feel so lazy to talk about it with someone. Because I can't find anyone that I really can share. I mean I need someone who can gives me advises what to do instead of listen and just let the wind blow away it. I'm not that kind! Since I can't find anyone to talk with, I think I will use the easiest way to release the loads; drinks! I'm not an alcoholic person, but drinking is just my other way to release stress, and I don't feel it's a crime. A normal human being need to release the heavy burden on shoulder, but different people, different way! Someone need to respect my decision, I guess so. However, talks so much still rubbish. Because I've promise not to drink anymore. Unless oneday I really gone mad and crazy!

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Pray for the new Sem.

I'm just entering into this so-called not a honeymoon year anymore. Year two Semester one. 
I begin to feel unsure about my decision on choosing those subjects. Somehow, I still feel bit more pressure.
I took Business Finance, Business Ethics, Performance Management, Audit, and also Company Law.
Those subjects really killing me so fast, I guess so.
I should not look down on them and need to work hard in this Semester. Gosh.
I've known what road will I be going to walk in this Sem, should be a hard and rocky type...
I just hope with all the hard work I'm going to give out, will equally get back the result I want !

Cheers for tomorrow. :)

Sunday, May 15, 2011

take care

I hope, you and me will have a nice chat before we both leave.. But, hope is just another hope.
You just busy with your stuff and preparing for your journey, as I predicted.

Have a safe journey to China. And take care. :"(


I wish to know more about  you, but... I know there will always be a limit.
I can't ask you 24/7. And I've stopped.
And I do, I did and I done.

You can just do what you want. And I will just won't ask who what where and when.
Leaving you some space and freedom is my job now. 


Nothing was on my mind. 
I'm at my hometown now. 
Will be holiday for 2 weeks. 
First week will be going to Taiwan. 
I hope this time journey will make me a happier and wiser person. 

Thursday, May 12, 2011

read, seen.


Monday, May 9, 2011


I'm not a good chatter. I maybe don't understand what's in your mind. I maybe too care of what you think until I need to think twice for what I wrote. Every time chat with you, I will think how to chat longer with you. But I guess what I done is useless :). All this times. So, I'm not a good Facebook or Msn chatter. Compare to your friends, I think I'm the one who you will not chat until so long.

But I know someone out there will appreciate, would like to chat with me. I believe until today, he's the one who understand what I mean even I wrote one stupid sentence and the one who compatible to chat with me. Sometimes chat with him gives me a satisfy feeling. Because there's still someone out there can makes me need not to make any effort to spice up our conversation. ;) I feel free and relax to chat with you.


think out of the box?

Last night, me and Yie Nan went to Secret Recipe for our dinner. 
Maybe because it's Mother's Day, there was totally loaded! Luckily there was seat for us. 

I saw a family. 
An old couple with their 2 daughters, one son with his wife and a baby daughter. 
Yeah, it's clear that they are celebrating that special day. 
I just sat opposite of them. 
There was nothing wrong with them, it's just my eyes suddenly focused on that old man; their father.

Their table is rectangular, both daughters sat with their sister in-law, one row. 
The son sat with their parents, one row. 
Their old mother sat in between son and husband. 
Well, what capture my eyes? 
At first, one of the daughter kept taking photos with the baby, and the food they ordered. 
Some of the members chatting with each other. 
I suddenly realize that old man seemed like not comfortable in that situation.

The family member just did not focus on him. 
Not even a words spoken to him! 
Even his daughter who just sat opposite of him. 
There was a lot of things came across my mind. What makes them to treat him like that? 

What I saw, that old man was trying to hold the baby(comfort her) from his son, but his son did not even see his father and walked out. 
So pathetic. 

From the moment I sat down, until I ordered my foods, until I finished my dinner, each of the second my eyes is focusing on him. 
He never ever talked one sentence or words out from his mouth! 
Even his wife never talked to him.

I just feel sad. What can I do? I treasure my family. I don't hope this will ever happen in my life. 

Sunday, May 8, 2011

time flies

We only have 24 hours in a day. 
Another 7-8 hours is for sleeping. 
Left here only 16 hours. 
How will you use your 16 hours per day in life? 
Eat? Play or study?

No matter how much I divided my time, I will never have had enough use of it.
Today I already spent my 12 hours for sleeping. 
Another 12 hours, I will use it wisely. 
But I guess, I will miscalculate it. 
I maybe used it on Facebook, eating, loitering, fooling with him, and other nonsense thing. 
Another 2-3 hours maybe spent on my precious revision. 
Imagine I used 9 hours on other people and 3 hours on myself? 

People, use your time wisely, 24 hours is really a precious time ever in a day! 

Friday, May 6, 2011

I wish I was beautiful


According to Dictionary.com, ugly is defined as...

1.very unattractive or unpleasant to look at; offensive to the sense of beauty; displeasing in appearance.
2.disagreeable; unpleasant; objectionable: ugly tricks; ugly discords.
3.morally revolting: ugly crime.

Don't look at me if you're looking for beauty.
If a guy tells you they don't care your appearance, 
for they just like you. Is all about you, not your beauty, 9 out of 10 will be telling lies. 
What kind of guys don't like a pretty girl? 
I just don't believe there's such a guy out there.

Starting from your hair to toe, he will looks for the perfection. 
A girl need to know what his boyfriend likes about her, so that she can maintain that to tackle his heart. 
But it's a fail for a girl if she does not know what he likes about her. 
I'm the one.

What he likes about me? I don't know. 
I was trying to make my own assumptions, but I get nothing in the end of the days. 
Why I was saying like this?

He said; You're ugly; maid; small kid; witch; etc...
He doesn't praise me anymore.
He doesn't admire me like the time he chase me anymore.
He changed.

I really hope I'm beautiful like the girls outside, 
like the girls he always praise them in front of me when he saw them... 
but I'm not. I'm just me, myself. 

I think he likes them better than me.
Isn't he?

Then, who am I in his heart? 
The one who helps him to do assignment?
The one who helps him to clean his room?
The one who can fulfills his heart whenever he feels lonely?
The one who can accompany him whenever he feels alone?
Or the one who can be with him every night?

Imperfection happen when the other part starts to tear down the confidence of the other part.
When a guys starts to giving up as he doesn't like your appearence anymore,
that's is a jerk.

For a girl, she will starts losing hope.
What she did all this time, all gone like a wind.
Just imagine, your own beloved tell you that you're ugly,
How do you feel? 
If your mother tells you, "kid, you are ugly!".
It's just a same matter.

I'm not perfect. Who did?

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Gambate :D

Tomorrow having the second exam. Then the day after tomorrow will be having the third exam. Oh my. This totally freak me out, because both of them really in the important subject which I can't fail and I hope to do well. QT two and FAF one. I just hope I can do my QT two well because I don't wish to repeat it. I don't wish to see maths again. Huhu. This time I already spent my time revise on it just to hope I can pass it. :) same goes to FAF one. I already done my revision last week. God bless us!

My hubby, I miss you so much. Maybe I already get used to the presence of you. I feel uneasy without you by my side. I miss the moment I argue with you, I miss the moment you mess around with me, I miss the moment you ask me to hug you. :D but I know, after tomorrow we will meet again. Hooray~

It's my bad habit to be with you :( because my life already included you. We both are one. No others. :)
371 days already gone. Love you so much, I hope for the rest of my life there will be you and same goes to you, I guess? :) Hopefully. If you see this, let me know how you think? Because I don't like the feeling of SS-ing alone here. Sobs.

Okeyla, need to continue revise the last chapter. Jiayou for tomorrow 9 am guys. :))

Friday, April 22, 2011

Blogging time again.

Hope everyday is like today, Because my mood totally high and happy.
Just don't know why, but I guess it's because my coursework marks?
Others subject still Okey, because I predict that the probability for me to pass them is positive. =)
But my QT totally suxx. I hope I can score for my final as now my midterm marks only 17/40. *gosh*
Because now I'm studying and courting my QT sincerely. I've a feeling I can pass it smoothly *confident*
Baby QT, please enter into my brain... let me remember you for this Semester...
Then you will be free later.. I promise to let you go after this Sem :) Tehee~ :D

It's raining now. My favourite weather ever! Because it's better than a hot weather. Somehow I feel romantically when in raining day :) make my mood better! Huhu. But, I don't hope it's a storm rain. Because it's scary and no one is beside me :( but I guess I'm strong enough. *wink* just don't hope it will blackout, otherwise...

My wound is getting better, Thanks to YieNan. All this time he's by my side, accompany me through my pain and sweat. Haha. I will remember the moment when the nurse washed my wound, and how the way I squeezed your hand like I squeezed a sponge. Hahaa. And the most thing I'm sure we both will remember is I still can joked even the nurse wash my wound with antibiotic (it's like pouring salt on your own ulser). I guess we both will remember the way I said, " Pizza!!" "Chicken rice!!", "Hmm, Sushi!!" xD~~

I'm totally crazy, and guess what again? The nurse join us laughing too, but I know somehow when she thinks back, she might saying I'm bakchi? Bakchilization on me. Zz. Hehe. But instead of a bad memory, I guess I have had made it a deletable memory. :)

Will be upload the images of mine from it get burn-Day 1 until the day it got virus infection(gross) and until the day it getting better. 

Till now, bye. I need to continue study my QT. GAMBATEH!

Saturday, March 12, 2011

What a day...

It's the assignments week dude ;( sad case when I think about Law. Law make my life miserable, precisely, is our life! Totally have no idea how to start it, do it and finish it up. Crack my head thinking about it, nearly give up the halfway... hopefully I can have time to finish up another half before the due date.

Yesterday, Tsunami happen in Japan. And there are tsunami alert around. I just hope everyone is free and safe. Hope God will bless us all, and lets pray for the tsunami victims. *pray*. Sometimes, something make us feel that we should be more graceful about what we have now... Living in Malaysia with families members or the loved one around, we should feel blessed! :)

He came to see me, umm, is came to give back my bus ticket. I was so damn clumsy left my bus ticket in his car.. and he drive all along to Kampar just to give it back. He scare I miss my bus xD~ And he just back to Ipoh. And I started to miss him badly. He bought me Domino's pizza. And it was my first time to taste it. VERY SUPER NICE. Thousand times better than Pizza Hut! I recommend that guys should try it at least once! =) Thousand time thanks to him too. Thank you lover <3

Today 0915am bus to Terengganu. Hopefully the bus driver will bring me to destination safely. I miss my family so much!

Till now, chao~ gudnyte peeps ;)

Monday, March 7, 2011

When words become nothing.

I feel guilty. I feel sadder. 
Unable to talk, unable to take it out...
Maybe we just want to buried it, deep inside our heart..

I think I will cry harder when I think of it...
And I will keep on crying and crying...
Hope that you will forgive me...

I silent, because I have nothing fun to talk each time I think of what I did...
I silent, because I don't wish my word would ever hurt you...
I silent, because this represent how guilty I'm am...
I silent, because... I know my words wouldn't heal you...
my words will only bring sadness into your life...

Sorry that I love you.

I did something which I admit it was my fault. I don't know how to communicate with you about my sorry. But I know you wouldn't like to talk about that anymore. You want me to regret for what I'm doing. I will, for half. :) Another half is I won't admit on behalf of myself. She want to be more happy. So she is being naughty.

*Forgive me*

I miss how you hug me, how you touch me. 
I miss how you argue with me about small matter.
I miss how you tease me at my mad laugh.
I miss how you take my hand and hold them.
I miss how you look into my eyes and they tell me you are real.

It's more than a half year. I hope we can go through the bad times... 
coz' I need you when I'm in the good time. I want to share it with you. 


Sunday, March 6, 2011

Lie and to be lied

Last night, I created a mess again. I'm not sure what I'm doing, but for sure I know what are the consequences. The weird thing is, I hope he is angry at me, I hope he will scold me. I hope he will shout at me and tell me why I can't do such thing.

I lied. I'm a bitch?  Just keep it to yourself :)
Even if I'm a bitch, I just gain my freedom back. I don't wish to follow what my mind doesn't want to. I just want to walk on my way, live my life, enjoy the moment. Maybe you think it is naive. Yes, I am. Naive in living my life? What's is the wrong of hanging out and enjoying with friends? A sin? Or you think my friends are rubbish?

I lied. I 'm not a good girlfriend? Well thoughts. :)
Do you ever recall back why do I will lie in such thing? Do you ever care why I was doing that?
I can tell you, the answer is NO. When people is being cheated by someone, all they think is, " You cheat on me. I hurt. I won't care about you anymore".. They will put all the thoughts on themselves and never realize there's reason behind something.

Since no one will ever care WHY I did that and just asking for WHO, WHEN, WHERE.. Then I don't give a damn in explaining anymore. I'm just a bad girl. Sorry is all I can confess. Tho can't return back the time, but I still not regret in doing what I wanted to do. You know my habit when I'm down. That's me and myself. You can't change it, it just like you can't change your style sleeping with two pillows. Everyone has their own way of thinking, just depends on how others judge them.

I appreciate how you asking me not to go out. But, does it fair enough when I'm the one who is very down at here, with no one beside me, consult me? I admit. Last night, I'm sad because of you. You are apart of the reason. I lied.

But at last, I tell you the truth.Because I know if I keep going to cheat you, there's no return for our relationship anymore. Honesty is the choice even if I know I will hurt you. Truth may hurt, but lies may kill.

Friday, February 25, 2011



黃小琥 - 重來 (孤獨版)MV

作詞:蔡健雅 作曲:蔡健雅

你愛他多過他愛你的人 你還記得嗎
他有種真命天子般的人 你還記得嗎

相愛以後 終於分手
分手以後 又想重來

如果能重來 誠實的去對待
彼此都沒疑猜 就沒有理由分開
如果能重來 回憶當作塵埃
心不曾被傷害 就能無瑕疵的愛
但是重來 卻不能保證愛的成功或失敗

讓你日夜忘不了的人 你還記得嗎
不同種類不同面孔的人 你記得哪個他

Tuesday, February 8, 2011


Sad. Disappointed. Angry. Hurt. Heartache. Everything comes at the same time. What should I do? I'm awake. I try not to talk, I try to be silence. I hope my heart can cope with it. I keep telling myself, I'm tolerate. I give freedom to him. I should not interrupt his things anymore.

Can he tell me why, she's the only name he can think when writing on the wall? No others? Why her? This resulting I'm punishing myself for each of her name he wrote. The more pain on my skin, the more hurt my heart, so I won't feel the pain that he gave me...

I can't write anymore. Nyte reader.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

another blur night

Tonight, very moody.Just hope next year CNY won't be like this busy. Tired.
I hope I'm a guy because I need enough energy to carry things, and I also hope I'm a girl, help mum in cooking and cleaning. Haish. I start to talk nonsense things. Aiks. Moody~

What is he thinking? Can he tell me? Can he tell me his secret?

Mum, my HERO.

Chinese New Year means Busy. These and that.OMG.
I hate cleaning the house. I hate cooking. I hate everything that require me to spend my energy and time non-stop. Just like today dinner. Cook from 5 something to 8 pm! And yet, haven't took my bath. Today is nor CNY neither CNY eve. But mum just had cooked, PRAWNS-big one, and a SHARK FIN soup? omg. I keep wash and wash. Tired. I wonder what happen during CNY eve. Luckily CNY is plan to celebrate in Malacca. Smile.

The second thing that I realize is how mum worked throughout her life. I mean, she can work all by herself non-stop for whole day. Day in shop- help dad, evening in house as a housewife. She is really my hero. I love her. Seeing her climb up and down-cleaning, and no rest at all, make me heartache. I need to help her. Her age is half of the century. I need to do something for another of her half life. Even how tired I'm- I not dare to complain much... she did more than me.

I just wanna say, I love you Mum.

p/s: happy chinese new year folks~~

Friday, January 28, 2011

tata .

why do people you want to be near have to live so far away and you just want to see them everyday..

 KL Central is waiting for me. Or shall I write, I'm waiting to arrive KL Central? LOL. Hope today will go smoothly, I'm riding to KL all alone. If last time you let me travel alone, I'll be super happy, but today my feeling is totally different. Why? Maybe I'm not used to be alone after some time? HAHA.

I care my feelings, I care how I feel. When others don't ever care, don't give up on yourself. That's my thinking right now. I will take care of myself =)  you might not need me today, maybe tomorrow, or maybe  not ever, But if you feel sad and alone, remember I'm here for you my friends. :)

Sometimes, I feel like crying, but  I'm too scare to show how lonely I'm. So I'll just put on a fake smile and try to live day by day.Bye Kampar.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

sPices of liFe~~

Good Evening, peeps.

Chinese New Year is around the corner. 
And yet, I think my house(hometown) haven't done decorated. 
& tomorrow I shall going back home. 
Then, here comes the time to clean&clear my house for the last minute. Hehe. 
Love the last minute feelings so much~ 
I think I'm going to break into many parts.

I miss my mum so much. 
Hope she's doing fine. 
My wish in 2011 is just very simple. 
I just wish that everyone is in a good health, especially my family member. Because I really love them so much, eventho sometimes my brother really irritating LOL. 
but yea, if you let me choose between HEALTH and others, 
I would say; HEALTH!

Love life? 
So far I think its going well, suppose? 
Tho sometimes we do argue and I do feel like a shit, but it just a small matter. 
Just a spice of life anyway. =) I'll enjoyed it. 
Because I know, I need to appreciate when he still loves me before it's too late. 
I know. 
And I love you. :D

Repeating one subject is suffer. 
You need to worry so much things. 
Sigh. I just hope that I can pass my FAF I and proceed to my FAF II. 
I hope, I hope and hope.

enjoy your CNY friends! ^^Y

Sunday, January 23, 2011

bo mood in the house

Mood very down. I just realized, I'm so lazy to fake a smile anymore. So many times I fake a smile and pretend I'm OK just not to make others worry and sad too. But this time I'm going to let them know how I feel. I'm not the one who can tolerate each thing that I dislike. I'm not the puppet for today. LOL. I'll move my way tonight.

Silence maybe is the best way to show my seriousness. Talk less is the best action I guess.

I wonder how many people know what I like, what I totally dislike and how many people do care about my feeling and thoughts? Sometimes, I rather to be alone, choose to be alone. Because, I somehow feel more secure to be alone than in a group. Maybe just for tonight? I feel that I need someone to talk to, but realize... sometimes, things are better to keep unsaid, cos' I can't figure out what's my problem and I won't want to find it out too. cos' when I start, it won't stop. =)

When I'm in a bad mood, you can choose to go away. But I tell you, when you decide that, I will pray that you go far- far away, don't ever come back. It's not that I don't wanna talk, but the more you ask for it, the more I'll kept quiet. Secrets need time to reveal, isn't it? 

Tonight, I will walk on my way. Take a fresh breeze, clear out my mind. Cry out loud for my uselessness. HAHHA. [gone] 

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

A hope

Home is not home.

Although really dislike some people in this house, but as long as mum happy, I'm OK with that. I can wipe all the things that hurt me or happen just now if I can see mum be happy like last time. 
I can admit it is my fault, I can't control my anger, I don't respect some person & tho mum thinks I'm wrong but when I can see her smile again, everything will be alright. 

I just wish that, my home is really a home. 
I hate silence. 
I hate argument. 
I hate fighting. 
It's not like last time anymore. This house is losing its laughter. I miss that. Maybe each of us is losing the patience in this house. 
Just to tell that, money is not everything. 
You have money, but you lose in tighten the ties.

Lai Tian Li, PLEASE control your anger. Be patience. Talk less eventho you can fight back. 
Silence is action too.