Monday, December 27, 2010

volume 1

Everything happen so sudden. Last night, you called me. Saying all the nonsense stuff, and we have had a bored conversation ever. Then at the end of the conversation, you was asking for forgiveness. Is that only you want? If yes, I'll forgive you. Because, it already means nothing to me. Then I hang up.

Friend, one of the friend of mine, told me everything about you. And the most shocked things is...
Oh well, you already admitted it to me. Good. Asking for the "reunion". Don't you remember the way we break? And it's almost 2 years. And you want me back? For what sack? You said it happens because a third person. Yes, it's all about 3rd person, but it wont happen until u move the very first step dear?

And now you come back hunted me? For the sake of love? I'm totally freak out and confuse.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

please, don't leave me..

I missed him. Can't concentrate on studies. I'm killing myself. Two more days I'm going to have my last paper. And I really need him a lot besides me. A lot. I really need him. But. He choose to back hometown and will return tomorrow. And be both will be separate on the next day. I need his caress. I need his hug. I need how he used to joke hardly with me. I need him badly.

He really go. Even I beg also no use. Tonight will be another sleepless night. Have you ever cried while doing other things because you think of someone you miss? I did. Even study also will cry. I cried almost everyday. I'm totally sad. I just can't control my tears flowing out so easily. I hope one day he will came to my door and knocked. I just hope he can find me when he's free. But when the hope is bigger, disappointed will be larger. And last , I'm the one who hurt. Not him.

I just don't know how can I be more understand him. I'm losing my rationale. He leaved me alone here and think I can survive this disaster alone? Hell no!

Come back...

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

The Idiot Me

Really feel so lonely in this raining night. It's a exam weeks. Two more days gonna be in the battle field. And guess what? I did something stupid. Walked to find him. Peeped him from window. I missed him so much. So many days didn't see him. :(

Who knows, his window closed. I guessed it's raining. Yet I'm walking to his house. Sweat or not? Then I masuk front door. Not dare to disturb him. Just message him says that I missed him. I really crazy! Hmph.

Lai Tian Li. Can you concentrate on your studies? But I really can't resist when I miss him :( He stayed too far, so when I went to his house, I just sit outside. Even outside I can feel I so much near him :) That's enough. Then walked back my house. Omg. It's not the first time though. I'm brave to face the death. Really stupid idiot.

Wuhoo. Gambateh my dear friends and myself. ^^

Sunday, December 12, 2010

just another day!


Exam is just around da corner~ oh yeah~ and i'm still enjoying myself online-ing and... hanging around somewhere in my room.. fuck me up! How come? How come? I've been asking these on myself few days ago. And hacked! I ... got... problemss. Teenage problems I guess. Ah.. just another love story again.

Won't bother to tell you guys anyway... it's been told in the past few posts. FUuhh~~
I don't give a damn about it anymore! Disturbing my life and my emotional! Love thing is too complicated dy, I think oneday I maybe bare to handle it and soon collapse. Wahaha.

I will take it easy. Life is too waste to be sad enough. Like my old quotes; let it be. xD
16th will start my war. and that is taking my half mind to memorize something foreign and I still can't believe I'm taking that subject; its Japanese. Take it easy, relax~~^^v

Then, 20th, for my QT1. Where that time most of my friends already finished up their exam. And I'm will be going back hometown on 21st. It's totally different from my previous sem-break. This time I guess I did plan it well; back hometown!! ^^ be positive~~

Uhh.. just to pour my emotional here, coz no one to talk to. Alone in this creepy room~~

p/s: halo, I hate the way you move around my bed. Get lost stupid antsss. Shooo~

Sunday, December 5, 2010

decided to make a decision

When something is not yours, not matter how hard you want it, in the end, it still not belongs to you. It’s same like a human. No matter how hard you have grabbed them in your life to become the special one, in the end they are not meant to be yours.

I think, you are not belonging to me. I tried to hold you and hug you tight, but I still can’t feel the thread between us. How come I still feel so many gaps? 

You are actually belonging to others.
The other who really can give you happiness.
The other who really suit you.  
The other who can make you feel much comfortable.
&& when the other is not me.

I always think that I’m not the one you want today. If everything happens last year, today I might the happiest girl in the world. We have no worries, and we can share anything. Somehow, I feel that we are adding one more bitter memory between today and a day before yesterday. It’s all because yesterday.

Yesterday, you decide to let me go.
Yesterday, you decide to love her.
Yesterday, I decide to love you more.
Yesterday, I decide to hold you.
Yesterday, you let her go.
Yesterday, you want me back.

These memories hunted me for a life time when we are together. I somehow think that there’s something between you and her haven’t solved. I read all your chat logs. You said you love her. But I can’t found any words that you say you want to give up? And the most sentences that make me worry nowadays was…” give me time “ by her. 

If… she is waiting for you, what should you do? Do you lose your feeling towards her? Have you let her go? If you want her back… please tell me. I guess she is much nicer than me…

If you choose to let go, I won't think twice to hold you anymore... I believe fate.

lies may kill.

I believe that to be honest in relationship is a must. When you start to lie to someone who she thinks she has the special status in your heart, this is what I so called: 
“A Not So Strong Relationship”.

Each of us has a different perspective on HONEST. To me, honest is the best way to avoid ambiguous and any confuses; in case the listener thinks too muchh. Lies do make the speaker feel much better and in case to avoid argument. But do you think that when another party knew the truth, it may kill them! I’m one of the “parties”. It kills me a lot if time. 

I’m waiting for your truth. 
 I’m waiting for you to speak the truth.
I’m waiting for you to tell me the truth.
But, in the end… I knew it by other way, not from your own mouth.

I know you lied because you don’t want me to think much, but… with our relationship, do you still don’t trust me? My ability to cope with it? but... I believe I can understand you if you tell the truth.

Am I that kind of person full of jealousy?
Am I not an understanding person?
Am I not perfect enough to know what you did?

I become more suspicious on what you did. What you said. And at last, we argue on this thing; the truth.

I hate myself for think too much.
I hate you for not telling me the truth.

And I hope I’m really the special one in your heart… please don’t make me feel disappointed and losing faith in this relationship.

n-th day: without you. && you keep on asking me to study. I did. But 24 hours in room without someone to talk to, without entertainment, without line I can feel suicide. You still don’t understand me. You have your family, job, entertainment, friends to chat, nice food to eat and so on. Me? Alone.

AS I ALWAYS SAID: put yourself in others people shoes and you can know their hardship.