Thursday, April 8, 2010

What Is A Promise?

I wait and wait. 
But there are no changes and answers. He did it, yes he did it forget me. This time, I keep on looking up the skies. Facing my face up, preventing those tears to drop. So that, I can save those tear for another happy things. 
Will the day come?
Little did he knows, he broke this little girl heart after putting those promises he had made. This girl thought that he will wait her forever. Those tear she is pouring is the sign that she is heartbroken… after he leaves her alone standing in the path, asking her to walk alone the dark alley… 

i'm not me anymore

Friday, April 2, 2010

~ [I] [w]ill [b]e ~

It’s been a long time since my blog updated. So many stories need to be telling, from one to thousand millions! Mid-term just passed and I guess my marks won’t go anywhere since I’ve not tried my best to score. What has done can’t be done once again. So, like my daily quote: Let it be!

Last night, something happened. Once in my life and I guess I won’t forget it! What I want to confess here is, I’m really sorry(tho I know sorry no cure) for making you guys’ troubles and worries the whole night for me. It’s my wrong and my fault! I admit here that I shouldn’t make such decision and must think twice before doing something. Thank you guys for searching me, although I don’t feel like want to meet people in such situation… that night, I’ve thought of a lot of things, from bottom to top! From the possible to impossible… and I really felt touched by someone. The ways he argued and scolded me really make me feel that, there is still a person who cares most about me. I can see those tears nearly fall in you, luckily I cried first before you, if not I’ll tell the whole world about it! LOLs, KIDDING! X) Thanks for so caring even you are not around me that time… still, why he is not him?
Actually I still know what I am doing, what I am thinking but in a such way, means in a way that I don’t even tried before. Walked such a long way to outside without thinking the consequences I might get. I know I’m a foolish. But that’s also not I want, I was too depressed by just only one word; Love. 

If I told you that I’ve already thought twice and decide to make a rationale decision, would you trust me? The answer might be: no. But I’ve finally can let go A BIT on those feeling towards you. Maybe is the hurt feeling too much inside myself causes me to accept those impossible futures… I’ve decided to think those nonsense things and get myself prepared for the worst. Because when the day I get the real answer, I might not hurt so deep… and realize that I’ve finally did it! And go on my life with a relief smile. I’m trying very hard now! :) 

I admit that my friend is true! I’m the one who wrong from the beginning till the end. I know where I am wrong and I realize about it. So now, I’m trying my best to recover those relationships though I know it’s impossible. I will try my best to achieve my goal. I will give you a space that you want. I will stop bothering you, asking you those questions which actually want you to reply me. I will ignore the things that will hurt me and pretend nothing ever happened. I will go on my life without you and wait until you are willing to walk on the same road with me. I know friends trying to ask me to give up, some of them also give me support, I know what you guys thinking and thanks for you all advices. I will work hard on that! Because I know he’s doing what I’m doing last time… x(

A special day is coming and I will get myself prepared for the best and worst. For the last time I think…

Cheer up stupid girl! Haha. I always said that to myself even it’s not going to work out! I will go on my days and nights without you and promise myself to smile a lot than I used to. I will love myself much better than I used to. I will appreciate myself. I will make myself happier, without you. Good luck, is the only things that I can say here.

Hope you happy always and I know you can, from the way you shown me recently, I know you’ve already did it! 
: )