Tuesday, November 16, 2010

why ?

I really have a lot of thing to say. If you give me one big bottle, I think my emotional will be full than that. Going to burst out soon. I thought I can handle it properly. But I guess I will just pour it in my blog. Nobody to talk to. It seemed like I’m losing a lot of friends. And he won’t understand for what I have said too. 

These few days I think too much. It grows stronger especially in this chilly night, again. I guess the thread of fate between mine and him won’t go anywhere. I have tried to change my attitude to avoid arguments because I think my bad temper cause it. I have tried to tolerate with him even tho each time I wish he is the one who let me win without saying " I will keep quiet". But it seemed like useless. We always argue. We did, for the stupid reasons. Include tonight, I don’t know why I was like mood swing. Why must blame it on me?? He never understands my deep feeling. My inner-self. He just sees me from my outer part. Same condition as me. 
I guess it’s because we never properly sit down and talk to each other. I have tried many times. He will just said, “You think too much”, “What you want from me?” or else, each conversation will end with quarrel. And I think I’m the one who always don’t care my own feeling(ego) and trying to fix things out. Because I really want him in my life. But… its kindda tiring now. I also need my boyfriend to talk sweet words, make me happy everyday.

Today, is my bad day. Today, he looked so fierce. Today, he didn’t kid with me. Today, each of his word really hurt me. All I can do is pretend and ignore. But I have feeling. When I keep my feeling inside, I will be worse mood. And what I did was… treat him cold. He said my feeling change easily. I said, I just follow him.  The most word he used to me for today is…” What happens to you again la…(uneasy tone)?”… Will he sit down and comfort me? Will he slowly understand me? Will he hear my story and won’t get angry? Will he…..??
What really happen to us?? Are Aries and Pisces will never be compatible?? I guess so…

*p/s: hope can score for my midterm*