Lie and to be lied

Last night, I created a mess again. I'm not sure what I'm doing, but for sure I know what are the consequences. The weird thing is, I hope he is angry at me, I hope he will scold me. I hope he will shout at me and tell me why I can't do such thing.

I lied. I'm a bitch?  Just keep it to yourself :)
Even if I'm a bitch, I just gain my freedom back. I don't wish to follow what my mind doesn't want to. I just want to walk on my way, live my life, enjoy the moment. Maybe you think it is naive. Yes, I am. Naive in living my life? What's is the wrong of hanging out and enjoying with friends? A sin? Or you think my friends are rubbish?

I lied. I 'm not a good girlfriend? Well thoughts. :)
Do you ever recall back why do I will lie in such thing? Do you ever care why I was doing that?
I can tell you, the answer is NO. When people is being cheated by someone, all they think is, " You cheat on me. I hurt. I won't care about you anymore".. They will put all the thoughts on themselves and never realize there's reason behind something.

Since no one will ever care WHY I did that and just asking for WHO, WHEN, WHERE.. Then I don't give a damn in explaining anymore. I'm just a bad girl. Sorry is all I can confess. Tho can't return back the time, but I still not regret in doing what I wanted to do. You know my habit when I'm down. That's me and myself. You can't change it, it just like you can't change your style sleeping with two pillows. Everyone has their own way of thinking, just depends on how others judge them.

I appreciate how you asking me not to go out. But, does it fair enough when I'm the one who is very down at here, with no one beside me, consult me? I admit. Last night, I'm sad because of you. You are apart of the reason. I lied.

But at last, I tell you the truth.Because I know if I keep going to cheat you, there's no return for our relationship anymore. Honesty is the choice even if I know I will hurt you. Truth may hurt, but lies may kill.
Sorry.