Older? :)

Grew older today. Finally I'm 21. ;) very glad because I'm no longer under the guardian.
As what people says, dreams is always not same as reality. What I had dream since I was small, totally not same as now. I hope to have a blast party, I hope to enjoy my sweet and mature 21, but it's totally upside down. I'm having my calm and back to square birthday ever. Maybe, this is the me.

But, I feel grateful. Because, without such a blast, I still feel that it's only a blast. Simple is the best. Maybe reader can conclude that it's because none help me to celebrate. But to be honest, I already feel grateful from all those wish. :) Really. Well, stop of talking that. Happy Birthday to me, and myself. :)

T-today

Suxx presentation ever LAI TIAN LI! Darn, workloads make me drown, will be very busy these few days. ARGH! hopefully I will survive until week14. T.T

Well, went for a jog today. And it was raining. And I'm wet. I wana play rain, but not under the sweating moment, it ain't good at all! :(

Nothing much to write these few days, because all of sudden I'm wondering where are all my deep and emo feeling gone to? I don't know. I keep on pushing myself to that part because only that way I can release stress. But.... none. At all. So, should I be happy or sad? I've no feeling at all. :(

Maybe as I always said last time, this is the climax part where I'm gone to numb part, "paralyzed" my feeling inside.. Or actually I'm in the comfort zone? Where nothing will worry me much? :) then thanks God for this kind of feelings.

Hope

Currently, feel so miserable, uneasy, unsatisfied and more lazy feeling towards those work-load. Due date keep on pushing me to the limits and to the ends. Yet, I'm still hanging here and seems moving like a snail, laziness keep on conquer my inner part.

I must keep on remind myself to keep on moving, don't stop. I can make it, but always, there's something will keep on pulling me down, some energy that drives me to the stop point. I'm actually wondering what is the hack I'm writing here. Gosh. As a conclusion, well, my old habit comes around again, LAZINESS. oh you please, get away from my life! Shoo - ooo!

This Friday I'm going to have my first and foremost presentation ever in this Sem. I will do my best because some part of me is very excited to have the first presentation after a while yet nervous as I scare I can't do it well. But, I promised to try my best. Tyanli! Show the best of you again and boost up your confidence once again! All the best to me and all those presenter. =)

All of the time we think that something doesn't change yet it slowly moving from our life.. and we still doesn't conscious about it. Why? Because time change everything and we still live in the past.

Readers, may you have a wonderful day ahead, don't give up as there's hope for a better tomorrow.

not again. omg.

Never would I thought, that I will have these day. It's the feeling of feeling hated by others. Others, that is totally anonymous to me and also themselves. But eventually, we're somehow being connected to such unexplainable relationships. Confusing?

Never knew each other before, but connected to a third person. Because of this third person, my life changed. Changed so much. I'm the one who is winning in the battle, but I just don't know why, I feel that I'm the one who is totally lost. The feeling of never been supported by anyone, an action that is never been approved by anyone. Just me, and myself. The party that is losing, finally gain all the respects, and blissfulness of others. Hence, mentally I'm the one who losing, losing all in the end.

Sometimes, it's hard to breath in the world of him. None would understand this feeling.
I wonder when will things ended.... But, it already ended.... Why I'm feeling so helpless again.... Why?

Come back T.T

I can feel that my 大姨妈 is coming soon...

These few days keep on stressing and I can feel the pressure started to push me down...
I wonder how is this going on? I keep on complaining not enough sleep where by I don't really spend any time on studying. Oh my, if this is my life after one month +++ of holiday at hometown, then I rather turn back the time and rather to spent it for 3 weeks, that's enough! I'm losing my studying mood!!!!


God, I pray that my study mood faster return to 'home'. Assignments, midterms, and presentations keep on loaded me but due to my laziness I keep on push them away and rather play games for not to think about it. Shit. Argh! I just want my mode to come back before it's late! 

It's the time to push my CGPA, for the sake of myself! Ish.

Life

世界上...

只有想不通的人，没有走不通的路。

只有想不开的人，没有放不下的事。

不要再想念过去，因它会让你悲伤。

不要太思考未来，因它会让你恐惧。

用微笑活在当下，别跟自己过不去。

永保安康

吴宗宪 - 永保安康 (高清晰)

D-Desire

I'll be dead to bore for the coming weeks. Omg, already stayed for 2 weeks but did nothing, keep on cleaning the house, but actually only cleaned the kitchen. LOL. Okey, the truth is, house is still like a mess. A volume mess ever. Since no one wants to work with me and run for shopping every weeks, so this house become a rubbish. But I think for the one week before CNY, we're gonna rush for the cleaning marathon. I wonder how true is the reality... But nen'mind, let bygones be bygones. HAHA.

Can't wait for the opening Sem! Should be a very busy Sem ever. I think! Since so many things to catch-up especially those MUET, Coco, and what-so-ever class I need to attend to make my Uni life seems right! -.-

But another reason for the upcoming Sem is of course can relax and won't be busy in kitchen anymore! Hehe, sounds bad, right? But not anyone can understand my situation, staying in kitchen isn't fun! It did for those newbies who thought that it's fun to cook, to bake and blablabla... But can you stay for a longer period? Tell me NO! I'm gonna salute my mom for doing her job as a part-time housewife who cooks for us in this 29 Years. Seems like cooking everyday - is EVERYDAY (well except Friday), and guess what... Mom won't choose to go out eat except it's so desperate - sick etc. For every year CNY, she gonna cooks for the dinner. But not for this year. But but but... She gonna makes shark fin soup! Hooray~

T-tired

Forgot how his voice sounds like... It's been ages since we ever talk :/
If I miss him, then how? If I requested him to call me, then how? If I want him to chat with me, then how? If I want him to webcam with me, then how? All theses seems impossible. Everyday will have excuses.

Since he so busy, then I'll leave some times for him....
Let him keep on busy and forget me...
Tired of everything...

Sometimes

Sometimes, online because want to wait that person to online too.
Waited so long just to have a nice chat with that person...
But, it turns out nothing in the end... What a disappointing...
Then, rather not to online... Better leave some times with parents.

Sometimes, saying goodbye or goodnight before you do.
Just to wait you say, "let's chat for awhile" or "i'm laying but i want to chat"...
Tired is not a reason...
I hated the way you can just sleep so fast without replying me...
And doesn't coax back in the early morning!
That's not gentleman!

;(

我 。爱

如果有一天，你要离开我，

我不会留你，

我知道你有你的理由。

如果有一天，你说还爱我，

我会告诉你，

其实我一直在等你。

如果有一天，我们擦肩而过,

我会停住脚步,

凝视你远去的背影,

告诉自己那个人我曾经爱过。

 或许人一生可以爱很多次,

然而总有一个人可以让我们笑得最灿烂,

哭得最透彻,

想得最深切。

LOVE you, YieNan

Tomorrow.

nevermind, tomorrow will be a better day.
it's okey, tomorrow you will like me.


& i'm still waiting for my prince charming.

1/1/2012 :)

Happy New Year, 2012.

It's new year again. And again, planting fewss new year resolution. Such as, hope wont get old so fast, of cos by maintain the 18 years old me(haha) :( ugh. How? Okey, my first new year resolution is get rids of pimples, black and whiteheads and also fats and some others stupid weakness on my face. That's all. Change the old me into the new me in 2012. I hope I wont disappointing someone :)

Will be staying one month here and wont be going back to Uni life again. Hope I will enjoying the life of one month sem break, and the pleasure of cleaning house prior CNY. As usual, I basically hate it. Oh, today sprained my thumb, and now I can't even press the toothpaste using right thumb to brush my teeth. Hope 2012, everyone's health will be getting better. Hope as every year.

Woohhh, THAT ALL. Happy New 2012 laaaaaaa !

Change.

Can we act as if there is nothing ever happen, even the worst condition? Generally, people will think that human will have emotions, will have attitude, will have feelings. Yes, indeed different people will show them in different ways. But I can tell is that, some feelings are meant to be keep, meant to be hide away from public, thus it slowly buried inside and become apart of your life, numb.

It had been around one month since I decided to delete someone from my Facebook. At first when I made this decision, I feel very regret as I miss him so much, somehow, this makes me stronger. Stronger to face the day after tomorrow and the followings. Few reasons that I deleted him. People are selfish themselves, hence I consider myself is when I decided to protect myself from those bloody harm... Human feelings can't keep on resist what is bad at each time, so is my body, soul and mind. 

Perhaps, they have reached their limits, or I'm done enough in doing my "being patience" job. In spite after deleted him, I started to feel much happier, much stronger, much freedom, much relax than before. People says eyes are the important element and it transfer what you saw to your brain, mind and heart. Yes! I agreed.  Sometimes it's hurt enough to see those bloody Facebook messages, those comments that trigger my anger and maybe jealousy, or maybe hatred to those innocent people.


I feel bad that I've change to someone different and I don't really know who is she. I really miss my old-self. Finally, I can proudly say that, TianLi is back! :) She still belongs to herself, her old-self, the one that likes happiness and live to enjoy life.

Last but not least to say that, I've perhaps change a little of myself. Change the way of loving him. Give him freedom and don't ask more, tho sometimes I don't feel like giving him too much freedom. Let him decide and do what he thinks is the best, tho sometimes it's not. Believe him no matter what, even sometimes I feel that he's cheating on me. Smile, even though I'm breaking inside. Because, smile is the one thing that I can do, to make him feel easy, and live his life without worries about me.

*Pretend to be happy is not for own sake, but for other people* :)

Till now, bye. TianLi.

Now is the time to stop regretting the past and feeling sorry for yourself.

This absolutely has to be the top way to waste your time and waste your life.  Dwelling on something that you did or happened to you in the past won’t change it or make it any better.  What’s happened has already done it’s work on you, and how you choose to hold onto it or let it go shapes who you are.  I think it’s important to take life moment by moment, as everyone is constantly changing, and it is best to be open to these changes.  You are a different person than you were 5 years ago, 5 months ago, or even 5 minutes ago, and although it can be important to reflect upon ourselves, lingering on and letting the past define us is a terrible mistake.
I tend to let life happen to me, rather than make life happen.  Just go with the flow and make sure to enjoy the ride. (Unknown)

I love how this person view life. I will take it as a lesson. So that I will never waste my time on those nonsense thing anymore. It's so funny how I'm getting lost and forget that I actually hold on to this word long time ago. Where did it go? Well, I suppose it's coming back :)

I better concentrate on my studies.. no more jealousy, because someone told me that even he chats with other girls, going out with other girls, how close they are.. he's still mine.. I can't change his behavior or how things flow.. and I also can't change the fact that he likes me better.. so why not I do my part.. and do all what I can. Just let it flow with the stream.. and that's it! :)

Perhaps it's right. Growing with learning. :) I live my life better now.

Worth.

This eyes, never stop crying just for you.

Tears keep rolling for the happiness that you gifted..

Tears fall down for the pain you gave..

Tears fall down from missing you badly..

 Do you even care if I cry for you? 

They say no man is worth if he makes a girl cry, 

and if he's worth, he won't make a girl cry.. 

But, for me..a man that's worth for a girl 

is worth crying for...

I'm stupid right..

Do you know how many fucking times I cried for you?

The truth.

I wish i would've told you more earlier what happened
I couldnt
Swallow my pride ..
Yeahh,
And its crazy as you heard it from somebody else
And now u asking me why
Dont know why i did that to you
i swear i thought you made me complete
Sorry i made you look like a fool
But i needed someone here with me

Why werent you there when i needed you by my side
Why werent you there when you made everything so right
Why werent you there cause it hurts like hell to know that were through
but finally Im telling you the truth

I wish this situation wasnt so complicated
But you deserve to know
Ahh, one day led to another
Stop thinking about us
Then I couldnt do it no more
dont know why I did that to you
i swear i thought you made me complete
Sorry i made you look like a fool
But i needed someone here with me

Why werent you there when i needed you by my side
Why werent you there when you made everything so right
Why werent you there cause its hurts like hell to know that were through
but finally Im telling you the truth

This is also sad
And I cant take It back
And to see you cry
Makes me feels so bad
I Wish I could take this big mistake
Make it go away but its too late

Why werent you there when i needed you by my side
Why werent you there when you made everything so right
Why werent you there cause its hurts like hell to know that were through
But finally Im telling you the truth

Fragile.

I'm trying to pull myself out from the fire. I'm trying to prevent myself to do something that will only make myself look ugly in the end. I'm totally out of system right now!!!

This time I really give out everything that I have. After all, I don't hope for any hope, just please don't hurt me so deep anymore.. I'm just very fragile.. I can't bear for any damages anymore.. I will lose control..

If you're going to stay, be faithful to me, without flirting around, being serious, then please have your time here and I will devoted you my 100% of love and promise happiness.
If you're going to let go, then please do it fast.. just don't let me hanging over there.. and purposely let me see your "sweetness" to your "buddy".
If you're going to flirt, tease with you "buddy" and at the same time holding me, then I'm going to tell you once again.. I'm just fragile. If you did that, I can very sure that I will do what you do. If you want me, stop flirting with your "buddy", don't let me see it. If not, I will change my direction. As simple as that. I can stop flirting with others, why don't you do that same?

I know what you did. The more you cover it, the more mess it's coming out. Right now, I will do what you're doing. Which is flirting around. Fair isn't? HAHA.

Begging myself.

I'm going to smile like there's no more tomorrow,
I'm going to laugh like there's no more else problem surrounds me,
And I'm going to tell you that this heart just lied..

Haix, Lai Tian Li.. What happen to you already? Please return to your old-self.
You don't deserve such pathetic and emo style.. Please, I beg you to return..

Heavenly haven II

I need to be in the crowded place so that I won't feel lonely alone and simply reload my mind with those stupid things anymore. I feel so dangerous to be alone now.. Haha.. Because I don't know what I'm gonna do.. Someday, I hope someone can bring me to a heavenly haven that no one will recognize me and so do they. Shisshhh, I totally forgot I actually belongs to my little world.. But now I hate to be alone.. I either need something else to accompany me if I did. Such things like TV, online radio, and sort of entertainment. I start to dislike Facebook for some reasons. Should I go and delete my own page? And re-create a new one? Dilemma, but still, I'm really stubborn because I can't run away and drag myself from this stupid page already. Except you ask me go vacation, I guess I will dump it for 3 months is not a problem :)