reformat me,please

*You're the one who broke my heart,
you're the reason my world fell apart,
you're the one who made me cry,
yet I'm still in love with you and
I don't know why..*

I M A DAMN.
Gimme a damn.

Sorry, my brain get stuck in every way it is.Im done.Im broken.
Is not that i don't wana try,is not that i have offence,
but i need to clear off something on my mind and heart before i start a new relationship.
I need to know whether he likes me onot before i can let go everything..
i need to know!
but,i m not dare to ask,even face him...
so,i need sumore time...
i just can't take my heart away,its too hard..sorry x(

everyone askd me hu is him.
1)he's not the one who you think.
2)repeated:not the one who you think...all wrong.
&&&
i wont tell.
reasons:
1) i had promised myself.
2)world war three will start
3)im not perfect
4)i dunwan our frenship to end like that
lastly,i dunwan him to avoid me.

thats all for my explanation.
thx @.@

my [h]ero

"Just let me ask you somet hing,if I happen to walk out of this room right now and never come back, and just forget everything and leave it all behind, would you be okay with that?

Because I have 5 steps till I close this door and you have 5 seconds to make up your mind,starting now..."

I'm only me. That is all I can be. No more, no less, dont second guess. I love, I live, I laugh, I cry. I've wished sometimes that I could die. Some days I'm funny, others I'm not, sometimes I'm overact and I can't stop. You may not like me, but that's okay because this is me and how I'll stay.

Every girl wants a Prince Charming, and while he may be nice and all, I'm thinking that I'd rather have the guy that's gonna call at 4 in the morning just to say hi.

Or someone who will stop by my house after just hanging up the phone because he wants to see how I'm really doing, because I said I was fine, but we both know I'm lying.

Or the guy who'll stay home on a Saturday night with me because I'm sick.

That guy, that one guy, he may not be Prince Charming to anyone else... but he'd be my hero.

My "knight in shining armor."

Anyone who'd rather stay home on a Saturday night and hold my hair while I puke...

that's a hero.

As Not Usual x)

Windy day~

So far,so good.The art of letting go and support him from the behind store,is always the best choice.

:)

Seeing him smile so broad,always make my days as bright as the stars.

Assignments,i'm coming!!I'll do my best and concentrate 99% on it.

Another 1%?Relaxing,cause it's so stress when u don't even have ideas bout what to write and present.Hish.

*wink*

Today,i went to TESCO and KFC.Bought one orange juice,cookie crips,a cup of tomyam maggi mee,chipsmore "double chips" and one bottle.Hhheehe.

My dad kept reminded me,"wear mask"..==okey.

And "don't go to crowd places"..==okey okey..

These few days feeling so dizzy,and i have tried to sleep early,like 12 am?Den the next morning still feeling so sleepy..especially in the English lectural class.Gosh.

Today,went to Karen's house,one motive : Sleeping!

Tho its just 15 minutes but already can kept me awake.Cool,her place is the nice spot to take a nap.Hehhe.Thanks Karen!Muachxoxo!

*i wana stay besides you,but i think her presences already can makes you feels better :)*

the [l]as[t] time

I think i need to let go him,as i know he's now so blissful and happy with her.I'm okey with that as long as he's happy,as long as he feels the happiness when he's with her.At least,she can brings him a wonderful and colourful life to him.I will accept the truth,and pray for them.Lols.

Finally,i can smile.A broad smile. :) maybi.

I am willing to let go.
I never felt this heartbroken before.Maybe,this is what i called,loving him secretly..i maybe don't have the chances to tell him i like him.
Being friends with him,is my pleasure and i'm so happy..
I can live without him..i think i can make it.Y?coz,seeing him so happy also make me happy..
^^
Again i repeat:gurl,loves him deeply,don't let him go as i won't let him fall into you again.I swear.

brief feelin'

Learn to be stronger.

Learn to be tougher.

Learn to control emotions.

Learn to let go...

I'm feeling so lazy this few days.
Always sleep.

Tian Li.Be more tough,you can do it!
Learn to let him go.You two never start before.He don't even realise your present.You'r just a normal friend to him!!!
Gosh..

I can make it through today,but i don't know whether i can make it through tomorrow or not..
o.O

My Heart Is Beating *dup dap*

It's so hurt to see you.
It's so sad to know that you are right in front of me,yet u belong to other.
It's like,a thounsand of knife stabs into my heart,and again, this feeling is coming back to me.

He don't know.And i'm still confusing myself.I like him?Or it's just a feeling.Or wad?

I accept that he's no longer belongs to me.
I accept the reality,because,we never started before,i never confess to him before.So,just let it be..

Maybe,loving him secretly will help our friendships keep going on..i will not confess to him.I will not,funny,because..he's already belongs to other lucky girl :)
Just..i hope,that girl will loves him deeply,give him all her loves..if not,i will take him away..

*teardrops on my guitar*

chao~

leave me,the best way

It's 12 a.m

And,im still onlining.Ignoring those instant messages.Sitting alone inside my room.

Wondering and so confusing at the same time.Can't resist what i feel anymore,it's begin to grow larger and larger.Feeling suffocated again.

This feeling,is coming back to me again.What i'm gonna do?

Choices?no.I only have one choice.Let it be,leave it.

I think,i like someone.And i keep telling myself,we're impossible.Yeah.I'm almost done with that.I'm so dying inside.This kind of feeling keep pushing me to the limit.And i keep controlling myself from being in love again.This kind of feeling is so hurt.The main question is,i think he don't likes me.Thats all i can think about.

So,i surrender before i fight.Cause,i know i'm not good enough for him.So, let go is the way,the only way i can choose.The best way i can decide.I'm so useless.I will be regreting.I think i will..

This kind of feeling is so confusing and had gimme a tonnes of impact.I keep emo-ing myself.I'm done,I keep telling myself,enough!Stop this.But,i just can't..

You like her.That will be your answer.

gettin' tired [DOT]

wassup.

It's weekends again!! ;)
Ntg to do.Sleepin?Neh,busy preparing for next week presentations.Wa.
Tired to do dy la.
Afterwards need to go to Teoh's house.COMPUTER STUDIESsss grrrrrrr!!

Then,this evening plan to wash Matt gor's car.Dai lou.Hahhaz!
Actually wana play water..hehe.Sure fun like hell.Release tension!
HAHHAahahahAHAHA!

X) PEACE.and Chao till now~

im weird.so wat?!

All of sudden,i felt so tired,and dissapointed towards myself.
Maybe i called this,mood swing.
Emo swinger.
Tired of pretending.[Im dying inside,.yet im smilling outside]
They said,i am good at smiling better than emo-ing,but i feel,i can't make it anymore.
Maybe just leave me alone.For today.
Im just getting tired.

Sigh alot.
Theres one thing keep running on my mind!
Actually,i don't know how to say this,
I am enough messy myself,so..
plus my friends problems,really keep me headache!
I just wana say,i am willing to help if i can..but if you keep pushing yourself in this well,nobody can help you anymore..just,let go..

sSO EMO NOW!BURDEN INSIDE KEEP KILLING MYSELFf

*messy*

one button,two needles.

Just like one man,two women.

Kindda confusing and things just went wrong and wrong.Everything seems to be not in the same line anymore.Gosh.

History repeated again,but things just not happend on me.Is another unlucky girl.

I am just wondering,whether..all man are the same or is there any odd one?Her real-live-taking story is just basicily worst than mine. At least,mine was not the No.1.

Everything happend nearly on the same time&same year.One button,two needles.This is just as suck as the toilet's bowl!== Can't imagine everything hapend for one reason : Playboy

Hell yeah,he is the Jerk,he COUPLE i said,COUPLE with two girls at the same time,really makes me wanna feed him my middle fingers on both hand.LOL.damn him!grrr.

I JUST CAN'T STAND TWO THINGS:

A)JERKs

B)SMOKERS

as the first rank is JERKs..sigh.I really admit that i will hate JERKs for the rest of my life,No matter what reasons..He's still a JERK!grr.

As she told me her story plus crying..i was like..geezz,there's such man! And what i did was.,cried together,cause she reminded me of my old self. I've been cheated too. So, i told her, just cried.LOL,funny was, we laughed together .. haha!

To my dear friend,

Well,everyhting happend for a reason,u will make it through the toughest time.You can.And that jerk,GB HIM.==.

He's not worth a half cent,It's up to you to decide everything..

I just dunno what else can i do for you,but im mentally support you!

gambateh x)

tagline: smile for a better tomorrow,cheersss!

last word: I HATE SOMEONE

Sigh,so down..

Maybe it's Saturday night again.Assignments and examinations really screwd me up,i'm like a..corpse.but the diff is,im alive..==

My head&brain so messy right now,wana shout out loud for no reason,sob!
Next monday=maths test.and God bless!^^

What the hack luhs,im so downnnnnnn.The problem is,i can't found any reason for my sadness.Just,maybe kene pissd-off by someone i really care.ZAR dao.

Eargh..listening to this song:Ni Hen Ai Ta by F.I.R really make me wana run to the lake and swim across it!huhu.

Fine.Study time..

p/s:i hate someone~
T.T

This Is So Tiring..

Well,week 7-8 or so on will be having mid-term test.Or maybe quizeees?LOL.
Haven't prepare yet,but will start doing right now..(rightnow can be tomorrow)kehkeh..

Sat&Sun are the days that i feel much empty and alone most of the time,kindda miss my frens.Well,actually i can day dreaming alone in my room,without anyone interupting..cool.kehkeh!

I feel happier with them(ta10),at least i can laugh till my face cramp,till my head drop.hahha.
TA10,i love you.really,trust me *wink*.

Him?okeh luhs,nothing much to describe..I still don't know what he means by the tagline on his msn..i noe what he wrote,but i donno who is he talking bout.But,i thought maybe me?Or im too sensitive?You cant blame on me,sometimes,my feeling is correct,and this prove a lot of times..


Nothing much to write..next week is my public speaking presantation..wala~
wish me luck.and till now..chao~

Blue Wednesday(dot)

I just don't wana be another foolish.
Another foolish!
I'm just a .. a.. normal human being,a gurl.A gurl who has her own feeling inside and she is she.
I just don't wana be another gurl,the same gurl in his life..
This is so hurt..

Don't say you love me.Don't say you like me,if i'm just a "shelter"..cause,you don't even have the feeling towards me.....>.<

when i called this a MATTER!

I think i'm so selfish.Only think of myself.I never ,always never realise that other peoples still have theirs felling.Im so..

can;t continue for the next word

being SACARSTIC.

"Each of my days was passed with a lie.."

coughing very badly right now,its been about 3 weeks im in Perak. Sad and happy at the same time.Happy because i knew so many friends and let me passes each wonderful day even some of them is irritating or confusing myself.Im ok with that,i am still happy.Sad because dad and mom are making me more suffering and i can't breath anymore.They don't seem to trust me anymore. I know im so far from them and they seemed to wana move me to Kl.I'm so unhappy, they should let me make my own way,they should trust me, they should know i will be responsible for my life..let me be indepenent,even if i had made one mistake they should not forever not to trust me.This is a sad issue!

I lied to them a lot.They make me wana lie to them,cause they will not trust me anymore if i said the truth.They will think im fooling around here.But im not.I just wana make my life happier than usual.I lied to them for a good reasons.I really don't know how to act..its so hard and tired.. gosh..

hurt-ty

im so sad.

im so unreactive,im useless,im so blue,im nothing at the end.
if you ask me why im so straight thinking,i would like to say,dats me..im learning how to be indenpendent..i dont try to be dependent on other ppl..but somehow,im just still the same on others eyes.

someone turn on me.snab a knife on my back before discussing with me.im now so damn mad.crazy mad.if tey or she dont like the way im doing can tell me before letting my parents know.this kindda like boikoting.so stupid lo.

i,dnno how to describe myself now.kindda down.i dont even have the feeling to study.y?y tis happend on me?i hate them,or her,the one hu boikoting me.

skip breakfast,lunch.dinner?ill kao tim myself..
even..i dont feel like wana have lunch or dinn with my fren from the same state..

you noe..tis feeling is kindda,like suiciding....maybe one day i cant stand,i will..
by the time..i think tey still think im the same..NTG WILL CHANGE.im sorry

I'M SO USELESS

bran[d] ne[w] da[y]

okey.

kindda,miss the old days,where i have a space to count on.but now?

my new
life nw will be in the campus&hostel.
all by myself is the new quote or word in my dictionary.LOl

Now i am studying in kampar perak.the UTAR.and currently living at the westlake under Danish House sdn bhd.is kinda like a hostel.

Utar?oh,is a big U.with amazing scenary.at first peoples might tot dat Utar in kampar is situated in a rural place with no modenation or sort of,include me!
but,after seeing for the first time.it was like a BOOM!I never notice dat,it was so awesome,its so big till we nid to walk bout 10-15 minutes to the canteen or cafeteria(block c) from the heritage hall(block a).

oh,i still cant find out where is my class.sh*t.next monday need to attend the very first class.so nervous..gosh!i tink today i will cycle to the U to find out where is it!hehehe.

sigh.westlake is just situated bout 1.5km from the Utar.So,i think i will either cycle or take the Utat bus there.ok,lets talk bout the transport things!cycle is a good activity,but for a freshie or pre-cyclelist like me,its just too tiring and..i hope it wont be a nightmare for me cause now im having aching all over my short legs.lol.the Utar bus?um,we actually need a thing or paper called kupon/ticket to take the bus.its just cost bout..70c?for each trip.if you take go and back,its..1.4r.correct?sigh.till now i still cant understand the schedule.i dnno wat time will the bus coming to the westlake and the time where it will come to fetch us in the Utar.hack!

okey.i've cycle all the westlake.not too proud..hiahiahaa!
westlake.inside it had..tsing hua,oxford,manchester and yale.tsing hua and oxford is the most happening place,where you can find a lot of students hanging around even after 8 pm.So do we(yw,felicia & me)lol.hanging around means cycling and..watever it is la..

foods?well,is kinda hard too.if im in the u,ill go to the canteen.if im at my house..i might calld a delivery or cycle witf m fren to the nearest stalls,tired la everyday thinking bout the food.huh,so..the maggi cup will be my next target.hahaha!

ntg is important than moneyssssss.here,we need money.foods,bill,um..and emergency oso.
maybe some of my fren is living in the u with hostel and food provided everyday with no charge.i said maybe.

here,i learn to be indenpendent.ok.end of this blog,i will say that...
im feeling really excited for the next monday.huahuahua!

till now,chao.and..gudluck wish to myself lo,*wink*.

p/s:no pic provided coz no camare..dun have the intend to bring too,later go borrow people one..lol.chaoO~

thazzit'*!

Finally,things will be going to the end,n you will need to make the decision,no matter what fer a acceptable reasons..

Everyone is goin on their diffrent path of ways..include me!No matter what kind of road,what is the "taste" of the road,all the challanges that are coming on..you need to accept it.Goes with the flow..not to against it.That's the rule.

I started to miss all my frens,the road to my school,the gate..the huge tree outside the gate,where i used to be waiting there fer my parents to pick me up,where i used to date with my boi.i missed the coridor which is beside the gim,.where,i used to joke with my fren while walking back to the class.i missed the basketball court,where we're used to play basketball together tho i'm not a pro..i missed the od,where all the shows were presented there,its the most comfortable place ever in the skooll..i missed the skoll library,the teachers room,the canteen,the gimnasium,the porch,the..well everything!!

I'm going to further my study,i hope my decision is correct in choosing the right course..and i guess i will be missing here..this place,sigh*..
speechless...

Theres a huge burden inside me..maybe i should let go my burden.Yesh,my spm result.That the vital crisis memory i ever went thru..I will keep that in my mind,as a moral thingy,which remind me not to go back to the road!I can do it..

Guys,good luck..have a nice journey..chao~ till now..:)

i'm dying inside

so tired of everything..
feeling so useless and helpless.
i got no frens to talk to..
even,i can tell them bout my prob,i choose to leave it alone in my heart,
cause,its the safest place ever..
hiding in a dark and deep place..
darkest&deepest.

tey are so much more better.mayb i'm the one hu is just too bad quality compare to them?
slowly.i was forgotten by them,day by day..year by year..
just varnish..
its hard to find a true fren..
my true fren is the one hu i can/feel wana talk to her/him bout my personal probs without tey asking me..let me make my move first..
let me open my heart first..

now,i was feeling so down..damnly so blue..
angel..
help me to go through tis..

monday blue?ehe!

To success,there are so many roads you can choose,just one way ticket to the road of success.
Either by long,short,tough,smooth or..etc.
All will bring you to the success if you are fully with determination!
One thing different is,there are so many type of roads.

Y ppl feeling unsecure about future?Feeling so sick bout them?Missed the past so much?
Cause,you had gone through them.Again,you feeling unsecure bout future cause you never know and will not know wat the road you will be going...

Why did i say cause you had gone through them?
Bcoz,in the past..you had walked on the happiness road,hurt road,shameful road..etc,but its all the past..when ya thinking bout it again,you will feel so blissful,coz you still alive,thinking bout those sweet and sad memories..right here,right now..
You like those memories..which gav you a strength to live your life..

Felling unsecure.Cause,you haven't step into the future,you dont know wat yr life will be,thatz the problem!Even myself...
But,lets collect those yesterday memories..and make it an experience or strength to step on the next roads..

Nothing will be imposibble!