Change.

Can we act as if there is nothing ever happen, even the worst condition? Generally, people will think that human will have emotions, will have attitude, will have feelings. Yes, indeed different people will show them in different ways. But I can tell is that, some feelings are meant to be keep, meant to be hide away from public, thus it slowly buried inside and become apart of your life, numb.

It had been around one month since I decided to delete someone from my Facebook. At first when I made this decision, I feel very regret as I miss him so much, somehow, this makes me stronger. Stronger to face the day after tomorrow and the followings. Few reasons that I deleted him. People are selfish themselves, hence I consider myself is when I decided to protect myself from those bloody harm... Human feelings can't keep on resist what is bad at each time, so is my body, soul and mind. 

Perhaps, they have reached their limits, or I'm done enough in doing my "being patience" job. In spite after deleted him, I started to feel much happier, much stronger, much freedom, much relax than before. People says eyes are the important element and it transfer what you saw to your brain, mind and heart. Yes! I agreed.  Sometimes it's hurt enough to see those bloody Facebook messages, those comments that trigger my anger and maybe jealousy, or maybe hatred to those innocent people.


I feel bad that I've change to someone different and I don't really know who is she. I really miss my old-self. Finally, I can proudly say that, TianLi is back! :) She still belongs to herself, her old-self, the one that likes happiness and live to enjoy life.

Last but not least to say that, I've perhaps change a little of myself. Change the way of loving him. Give him freedom and don't ask more, tho sometimes I don't feel like giving him too much freedom. Let him decide and do what he thinks is the best, tho sometimes it's not. Believe him no matter what, even sometimes I feel that he's cheating on me. Smile, even though I'm breaking inside. Because, smile is the one thing that I can do, to make him feel easy, and live his life without worries about me.

*Pretend to be happy is not for own sake, but for other people* :)

Till now, bye. TianLi.

Now is the time to stop regretting the past and feeling sorry for yourself.

This absolutely has to be the top way to waste your time and waste your life.  Dwelling on something that you did or happened to you in the past won’t change it or make it any better.  What’s happened has already done it’s work on you, and how you choose to hold onto it or let it go shapes who you are.  I think it’s important to take life moment by moment, as everyone is constantly changing, and it is best to be open to these changes.  You are a different person than you were 5 years ago, 5 months ago, or even 5 minutes ago, and although it can be important to reflect upon ourselves, lingering on and letting the past define us is a terrible mistake.
I tend to let life happen to me, rather than make life happen.  Just go with the flow and make sure to enjoy the ride. (Unknown)

I love how this person view life. I will take it as a lesson. So that I will never waste my time on those nonsense thing anymore. It's so funny how I'm getting lost and forget that I actually hold on to this word long time ago. Where did it go? Well, I suppose it's coming back :)

I better concentrate on my studies.. no more jealousy, because someone told me that even he chats with other girls, going out with other girls, how close they are.. he's still mine.. I can't change his behavior or how things flow.. and I also can't change the fact that he likes me better.. so why not I do my part.. and do all what I can. Just let it flow with the stream.. and that's it! :)

Perhaps it's right. Growing with learning. :) I live my life better now.

Worth.

This eyes, never stop crying just for you.

Tears keep rolling for the happiness that you gifted..

Tears fall down for the pain you gave..

Tears fall down from missing you badly..

 Do you even care if I cry for you? 

They say no man is worth if he makes a girl cry, 

and if he's worth, he won't make a girl cry.. 

But, for me..a man that's worth for a girl 

is worth crying for...

I'm stupid right..

Do you know how many fucking times I cried for you?

The truth.

I wish i would've told you more earlier what happened
I couldnt
Swallow my pride ..
Yeahh,
And its crazy as you heard it from somebody else
And now u asking me why
Dont know why i did that to you
i swear i thought you made me complete
Sorry i made you look like a fool
But i needed someone here with me

Why werent you there when i needed you by my side
Why werent you there when you made everything so right
Why werent you there cause it hurts like hell to know that were through
but finally Im telling you the truth

I wish this situation wasnt so complicated
But you deserve to know
Ahh, one day led to another
Stop thinking about us
Then I couldnt do it no more
dont know why I did that to you
i swear i thought you made me complete
Sorry i made you look like a fool
But i needed someone here with me

Why werent you there when i needed you by my side
Why werent you there when you made everything so right
Why werent you there cause its hurts like hell to know that were through
but finally Im telling you the truth

This is also sad
And I cant take It back
And to see you cry
Makes me feels so bad
I Wish I could take this big mistake
Make it go away but its too late

Why werent you there when i needed you by my side
Why werent you there when you made everything so right
Why werent you there cause its hurts like hell to know that were through
But finally Im telling you the truth

Fragile.

I'm trying to pull myself out from the fire. I'm trying to prevent myself to do something that will only make myself look ugly in the end. I'm totally out of system right now!!!

This time I really give out everything that I have. After all, I don't hope for any hope, just please don't hurt me so deep anymore.. I'm just very fragile.. I can't bear for any damages anymore.. I will lose control..

If you're going to stay, be faithful to me, without flirting around, being serious, then please have your time here and I will devoted you my 100% of love and promise happiness.
If you're going to let go, then please do it fast.. just don't let me hanging over there.. and purposely let me see your "sweetness" to your "buddy".
If you're going to flirt, tease with you "buddy" and at the same time holding me, then I'm going to tell you once again.. I'm just fragile. If you did that, I can very sure that I will do what you do. If you want me, stop flirting with your "buddy", don't let me see it. If not, I will change my direction. As simple as that. I can stop flirting with others, why don't you do that same?

I know what you did. The more you cover it, the more mess it's coming out. Right now, I will do what you're doing. Which is flirting around. Fair isn't? HAHA.