Nice stuffs.

Back to hit the blog with some nice stuffs! ;)

I'm currently smashing my brain with this new wishlist. Hehe. A HIGH HEEL ANKLE BOOT!
Falling in love with this shoes. OK, going to drain my wallet for this! It looks so nice and stylish, especially those with belts and something around it. But ain't going for bling-bling one. Some pictures for what is high heel ankle boots.. :)

sad songs

Listening to sad songs when you're already sad only to end up feeling worse..

 

 

forgiveness

I'm back to activate my blog. I'm here, again.

This time, October 2013. Soon will enter 2014 after 3 months. Another year pass. I can feel how this year end so fast, so fast. What will my 2014 be? I guess, the coming road will be harder to cope, but as I said before, nothing can actually beats me down, I've go through the worst, and I'm able to stand back,. why wouldn't this time? Come what may..

Currently at hometown. Wisely using this time to re-think my future again. What path I'm going to take. Seriously. Because, someone reminded me how to plan. Plan for the best and worst. Will be right back to you peeps after figure it out. :)

Still have friends asking about the relationship bet. me and him. No one actually knows what happen to us in the end. Some close friends knew about it. But, it doesn't matter.. I'm still learning how to let go. I'm still holding the ring that he gave me. The one that I keep asked him to buy for me. Not willing to throw away yet, why? Because I'm still learning how put down all the memories and feelings (they can't be forgotten).

What if he comes back for good? I will still say no. I don't deserve him. I doesn't want to go back to the past, anymore. It brings a thousand pain memories that I can't even forgive myself. What I can do now is, slowly letting go. If, oneday.. I throw it away.. please congrates me, because.. I finally found my freedom. :) "born again"

It did brings heartache, pain and regret. But this taught me something. "value your loves one".

To another him:
I'm sorry for my ignorance. You asked me, if I was given a chance, will I do it again? Answer is, no. I will not do it again, I rather not the meet you. But I'm not blaming anyone. What is going to happen will anyway happen. And it happen for some reason. Which is a lesson. Until now, I'm still learning how to forgive myself.

So many thought..

So many thought, yet so little words.

It's true that, When you do something right, no one remember, When you do something wrong, people will remember for the rest of their lives.

I love her, but the way she mentioned it, God please don't keep on remind me on that. I know my failure moments, but it's not that I want it, and I'm trying to move on and correct it. But whenever I'm moving forward, or in a comfort zone, something or someone will surely came up and remind me of that.

Is that a sign for me not to forget about my past? Or is that a reminder? But where is the encouragement words that I needed?

I'm not a puppet. I'm planning my work. I'm worrying about my future too. But I'm not giving up. So, guys please don't give up on me too. Okey?

I hate my past. But I'm not going back anymore. Not even once. I feel "sugggggs", disgusting, stupid, childish, and etc. I'm trying to let them go no matter what. Trying to forget those unhappy moments, but somehow.. can't seem to erase everything.

不要輕易把傷口揭開給別人看，因為看的是熱鬧，痛的是自己。

depression.

"Clinical Depression" : Doctor use this term to describe the more severe form of depression also known as "major depression" or "major depressive disorder".

Clinical depression symptoms may include:

• Depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day
• Loss of interest or pleasure in most activities (tick)
• Significant weight loss or gain (tick)
• Sleeping too much or not being able to sleep nearly every day (tick)
• Slowed thinking or movement that others can see (tick)
• Fatigue or low energy nearly every day (tick)
• Feelings of worthlessness or inappropriate guilt (tick)
• Loss of concentration or indecisiveness (tick)
• Recurring thoughts of death or suicide

I have 7/9, which is more than a half. And I took a test, I think I have had it. Depression.

Things happen this half year. Tremendously change everything. For good.
Due to this changes, my life also change. From little things, to biggest part.
I lost half of my friends, and my lovers. Generally due to my selfish attitude. No, is due to my ego.
I doesn't want them to know. Which basically cause myself to hide from them. Avoiding.
Due to my so-called "dignity" and "ego".. I let go of my lover. Yea, my "best" decision.

Now, at this very bottom point of my life.. I feel hopeless. Fear, confuse, everything.
Something sometimes are hard to explain. I rather not explain..because it is so much hurt.
I don't feel like fighting anymore.

Regretted

Life change from this second onwards. And I'm going live with it & accept it. As what people always says, "when God close the door, He left open the window". 

I admit I did wrong. And this is the punishment that I had received. I'm going with it. No doubt I feel angry and helpless with myself. But, consequences from my mistake, I'm fully take charge with it.

Let the past stay in the past. I'm going to create another new road for my future. The road shall be hard to pass through, obviously. And I believe obstacles will be coming right after this. But, deep within my heart, there is a little faith that uphold me. A little faith that support myself, support my weak knees, that hold me up whenever I feel like giving up.

What I regretted most is the disappointment I caused towards my family. Too much, and too hurt. I'm so sorry for the mistake I made. I did not make it for now, just that I need to take more longer time to realize your dreams. I'm sorry.

Next, is my friends. Sorry for the troublesome that I caused. Sorry mean nothing. But, this is the only word that came across my mind. I admit this is my mistake. But I'm not going to throw away my responsibility. I will make it as what I promised until the project done, even I could not help much.

Lastly, myself. I'm sorry to myself. For the stupidest mistake ever! For the rest of my life, I will remember it. And won't repeat the same mistake again. This time, it's really an expensive experience ever.

Nevermind. I will be OK

Colors will fade due to time and changes. So does beauty. But who can guarantee that loves will never fade?

Does true love ever fade away in reality? No, as long as both party work hard on it. If one person is always mean and hateful to the other, love can be stomped to death. But if you respect each other, try to get along and make the give and take in a relationship as equal as possible, your love will never fade. Instead, it will grow stronger. Talk is easy and this is totally bullshit.

First year, third year, fifth year.. who can confirm that our behavior and attitude will be the same as the first day we met our true love? Can we still maintain our promises that we will respect each other? Can we still remain our sweet relationship? Ask yourself now..

I just realize that, no matter how strong a relationship is... someday, somehow it gonna fade away... love in our heart seem like never grew stronger... obstacles shows that i'm getting tired of working it alone. Whenever i feel gave up, i keep on remind myself the reason that i've hold on so long on this relationship... but, it actually makes me tired.. that i actually working hard alone on it... and keep pushing myself that everything will be ok.

心有点痛，知道了你不在乎，更痛

jerk

this is JERK. kthanxbai.

不存在的情人

不愿意被谁看穿只剩我一个人的孤单 

若谁问起你来我会说那又怎样

不愿意被谁看穿只剩我一个人的害怕 

若谁问起你来我会说一如往常

没人理解的武装没人怀疑的坚强

假装没受过伤所有痛一个人承担

不愿意自己揭穿这是我对自己的惩罚 

不存在的情人就不会离开我身旁

HIGH-HEELS

 

HIGH HEELS

One of my favourite shoes ever! I love seeing this HIGH HEEL, and sometimes they moves me to buy them! Not because I'm short. It's because they are tempting and sexy, I feel like sleep with the new heels! Ugh, seeing those pictures moves me to go shopping. Even window shopping. I love those like the picture. But mum told me not to wear so high. because she scares me to fall down. Well, tried it once, tried it twice too. :) treat them as experiences! 

So, I might buy another heels, which is ban by mum, which is totally like those picture one. Hehe, buy them first, then only tell mum. It always work! :) Walala~ ^^

Older? :)

Grew older today. Finally I'm 21. ;) very glad because I'm no longer under the guardian.
As what people says, dreams is always not same as reality. What I had dream since I was small, totally not same as now. I hope to have a blast party, I hope to enjoy my sweet and mature 21, but it's totally upside down. I'm having my calm and back to square birthday ever. Maybe, this is the me.

But, I feel grateful. Because, without such a blast, I still feel that it's only a blast. Simple is the best. Maybe reader can conclude that it's because none help me to celebrate. But to be honest, I already feel grateful from all those wish. :) Really. Well, stop of talking that. Happy Birthday to me, and myself. :)

T-today

Suxx presentation ever LAI TIAN LI! Darn, workloads make me drown, will be very busy these few days. ARGH! hopefully I will survive until week14. T.T

Well, went for a jog today. And it was raining. And I'm wet. I wana play rain, but not under the sweating moment, it ain't good at all! :(

Nothing much to write these few days, because all of sudden I'm wondering where are all my deep and emo feeling gone to? I don't know. I keep on pushing myself to that part because only that way I can release stress. But.... none. At all. So, should I be happy or sad? I've no feeling at all. :(

Maybe as I always said last time, this is the climax part where I'm gone to numb part, "paralyzed" my feeling inside.. Or actually I'm in the comfort zone? Where nothing will worry me much? :) then thanks God for this kind of feelings.

Hope

Currently, feel so miserable, uneasy, unsatisfied and more lazy feeling towards those work-load. Due date keep on pushing me to the limits and to the ends. Yet, I'm still hanging here and seems moving like a snail, laziness keep on conquer my inner part.

I must keep on remind myself to keep on moving, don't stop. I can make it, but always, there's something will keep on pulling me down, some energy that drives me to the stop point. I'm actually wondering what is the hack I'm writing here. Gosh. As a conclusion, well, my old habit comes around again, LAZINESS. oh you please, get away from my life! Shoo - ooo!

This Friday I'm going to have my first and foremost presentation ever in this Sem. I will do my best because some part of me is very excited to have the first presentation after a while yet nervous as I scare I can't do it well. But, I promised to try my best. Tyanli! Show the best of you again and boost up your confidence once again! All the best to me and all those presenter. =)

All of the time we think that something doesn't change yet it slowly moving from our life.. and we still doesn't conscious about it. Why? Because time change everything and we still live in the past.

Readers, may you have a wonderful day ahead, don't give up as there's hope for a better tomorrow.

not again. omg.

Never would I thought, that I will have these day. It's the feeling of feeling hated by others. Others, that is totally anonymous to me and also themselves. But eventually, we're somehow being connected to such unexplainable relationships. Confusing?

Never knew each other before, but connected to a third person. Because of this third person, my life changed. Changed so much. I'm the one who is winning in the battle, but I just don't know why, I feel that I'm the one who is totally lost. The feeling of never been supported by anyone, an action that is never been approved by anyone. Just me, and myself. The party that is losing, finally gain all the respects, and blissfulness of others. Hence, mentally I'm the one who losing, losing all in the end.

Sometimes, it's hard to breath in the world of him. None would understand this feeling.
I wonder when will things ended.... But, it already ended.... Why I'm feeling so helpless again.... Why?

Come back T.T

I can feel that my 大姨妈 is coming soon...

These few days keep on stressing and I can feel the pressure started to push me down...
I wonder how is this going on? I keep on complaining not enough sleep where by I don't really spend any time on studying. Oh my, if this is my life after one month +++ of holiday at hometown, then I rather turn back the time and rather to spent it for 3 weeks, that's enough! I'm losing my studying mood!!!!


God, I pray that my study mood faster return to 'home'. Assignments, midterms, and presentations keep on loaded me but due to my laziness I keep on push them away and rather play games for not to think about it. Shit. Argh! I just want my mode to come back before it's late! 

It's the time to push my CGPA, for the sake of myself! Ish.

Life

世界上...

只有想不通的人，没有走不通的路。

只有想不开的人，没有放不下的事。

不要再想念过去，因它会让你悲伤。

不要太思考未来，因它会让你恐惧。

用微笑活在当下，别跟自己过不去。

永保安康

吴宗宪 - 永保安康 (高清晰)

D-Desire

I'll be dead to bore for the coming weeks. Omg, already stayed for 2 weeks but did nothing, keep on cleaning the house, but actually only cleaned the kitchen. LOL. Okey, the truth is, house is still like a mess. A volume mess ever. Since no one wants to work with me and run for shopping every weeks, so this house become a rubbish. But I think for the one week before CNY, we're gonna rush for the cleaning marathon. I wonder how true is the reality... But nen'mind, let bygones be bygones. HAHA.

Can't wait for the opening Sem! Should be a very busy Sem ever. I think! Since so many things to catch-up especially those MUET, Coco, and what-so-ever class I need to attend to make my Uni life seems right! -.-

But another reason for the upcoming Sem is of course can relax and won't be busy in kitchen anymore! Hehe, sounds bad, right? But not anyone can understand my situation, staying in kitchen isn't fun! It did for those newbies who thought that it's fun to cook, to bake and blablabla... But can you stay for a longer period? Tell me NO! I'm gonna salute my mom for doing her job as a part-time housewife who cooks for us in this 29 Years. Seems like cooking everyday - is EVERYDAY (well except Friday), and guess what... Mom won't choose to go out eat except it's so desperate - sick etc. For every year CNY, she gonna cooks for the dinner. But not for this year. But but but... She gonna makes shark fin soup! Hooray~

T-tired

Forgot how his voice sounds like... It's been ages since we ever talk :/
If I miss him, then how? If I requested him to call me, then how? If I want him to chat with me, then how? If I want him to webcam with me, then how? All theses seems impossible. Everyday will have excuses.

Since he so busy, then I'll leave some times for him....
Let him keep on busy and forget me...
Tired of everything...

Sometimes

Sometimes, online because want to wait that person to online too.
Waited so long just to have a nice chat with that person...
But, it turns out nothing in the end... What a disappointing...
Then, rather not to online... Better leave some times with parents.

Sometimes, saying goodbye or goodnight before you do.
Just to wait you say, "let's chat for awhile" or "i'm laying but i want to chat"...
Tired is not a reason...
I hated the way you can just sleep so fast without replying me...
And doesn't coax back in the early morning!
That's not gentleman!

;(