Is everything will be coming to the end? I thought that is what I want, the ending that I really want so much after all things happened. But, it is just… too, making me feel upset. Why? We have talk less, interact less. Why? Maybe the problem comes from me. I talk lesser to you. Why? Because, I have nothing to say, where, what I want to say is hardly coming from my own mouth. I speak to you right from my heart where the words could not come out. This is so hard. But I make it… I less playing stupid jokes with you, I can say, no more joking and fooling around. This is so pathetic. Is this what you want? You less MSN with me, chat less, less message , everything becoming lesser and lesser. Is your feeling too like that? Is not that I want to run away or avoid from you, is I think that you have change. Can you tell me why? There is a lot of Q&A coming from my mind. But I keep shutting it down; because I knew it won’t work to think about it again and again.
How are you recently? Are you happy with you own life? Are you satisfied with all your joy? I really want to know, but I not dare to ask more, because I scare that the positive answer you given to me, will make sadder, to know that you can live without me… but I know I can’t be so selfish.
Like I always said, letting go is the best way. Talk is always better then action. And I’m one of the examples. I can’t make it tho. So, I cheated my own self. That, I can live better life, I’m totally over you, completely live without you… but each night I went to sleep with a miserable heart thinking how foolish I am.
Is the value of one girl become less when she confessed that she likes him? Is the boy won’t treasure and appreciate a girl who make that kind of move? If this is what happened on me, then, I will say – I don’t love you. I don’t love you from the beginning of that day. I’m just fooling around. Hope you don’t mind… - so that we can go through our lives like normal…
There are thousand of questions running through my mind. And this make me could not concentrated on what I’m doing. I can’t control my mood. If I never confess, I won’t be suffering thinking that he doesn’t care me. Because those feeling of liking starts to grow in my heart…
What can I do now for each of the day is just pretending how happy am I, how sweet is the world is, how good is my life, and how sarcastic myself is… starts to hate myself so much…
What is happiness? Is it only two people happy, that’s more than enough? Where is your promise again? Please check your MSN. And now I believe in one thing. Karma. God wants me to suffer from what you had suffered before, right? If it is does, then I’m fail… I deserve it…
Have a good day everyone, good luck for my friends and myself. : )
*I will keep on smiling, so that you will know how sarcastic I am*
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