Begging myself.

I'm going to smile like there's no more tomorrow,
I'm going to laugh like there's no more else problem surrounds me,
And I'm going to tell you that this heart just lied..

Haix, Lai Tian Li.. What happen to you already? Please return to your old-self.
You don't deserve such pathetic and emo style.. Please, I beg you to return..

Heavenly haven II

I need to be in the crowded place so that I won't feel lonely alone and simply reload my mind with those stupid things anymore. I feel so dangerous to be alone now.. Haha.. Because I don't know what I'm gonna do.. Someday, I hope someone can bring me to a heavenly haven that no one will recognize me and so do they. Shisshhh, I totally forgot I actually belongs to my little world.. But now I hate to be alone.. I either need something else to accompany me if I did. Such things like TV, online radio, and sort of entertainment. I start to dislike Facebook for some reasons. Should I go and delete my own page? And re-create a new one? Dilemma, but still, I'm really stubborn because I can't run away and drag myself from this stupid page already. Except you ask me go vacation, I guess I will dump it for 3 months is not a problem :)

Heavenly haven.

Did I make it?

I feel that my private life has been intruded by someone. Last time I have a habit to write all my private things inside my blog, now? I'll make it less emotional lahh.. It's not necessary to pour all here. Because all those haven't been proof out, so what's the matter I'm writing out here..

Currently been studying for my final. And I also searching for songs that could inspire me. Hey, I've found one! "My love my fate" by Janice/ Leo Ku, but I think Leo Ku did the best tho original was by Janice.

Staying home is heavenly spot. Good foods, comfortable bed, nice air-cond. I'm feeling bless and blast and appreciate! Tho it's thousand miles from him, but I think it's not a matter. We sometimes need to give each other a space. Sometimes, 24/7 together is not necessary a good thing at all. I bet he's enjoying his one week holiday at home before going to war too!

Anyways, happy studying and Buddha bless lahh :)

Here and there.

Just done my dinner with a small size of Mcd porridge, french fries, 3 pieces of nuggets, one sundae chocolate topping and a coke. I'm like a pregnant lady, full and bursting. Hehe. Yesterday just back from KL, where I had my lunch with friends at Jogoya. Then, today whole body feel ache! My arms and my legs, both feel like they were just finished a long marathon. I said, went to KL shopping is like going to gym and burn off my calories! Haha. I just love shopping nowadays. I bought a bag- white color, a jean pants- light blue and a couple t-shirt from Body Glove. wow. And I did choose one black jacket to dear him. What a tiring day. I never shop like that since a long time. Then we went to watch a movie- The rise of the planet of the apes. Nice movie tho.

Final is around the corner, and I'm somehow feel like a lazy bumps. I need to find back my mode to study. Midterms were sucks enough to kill me if I still hanging here and wasting my time on useless thing. I will find time to touch everything else before final start on 12.

Just another post :)

夢一場, but I like Jam Hsiao version more. No offence. :)

They said, don't ever look back, just move forward. How true is this word?

by looking backward I able to view back for what I've missed, 

and by looking forward I can able to re-do for what I've already missed.

by looking into the past, it reminds me not to repeat the same mistakes again..

and by looking forward I can able to re-correct for what I've done in past.

Talk is easy as shit, but do is as hard as moving a mountain.

My emotions can be easily affected. 

Last time when I was having lunch with my parents in one restaurant,

I saw an old man was sitting not far from us, he was eating alone.

It was not a matter to me.

But, when I saw the way he was eating, it touched my heart.

He was like having Parkinson, his hand was shaking while taking dishes on the table.

Suddenly, I saw the food drop on table while he was taking it. 

He picked up and quickly move it in to his mouth. I was thinking, where was his son? Daughter?

And I looked at my parents, and I silently keep a promise to myself that, no matter what happen to them, 

I will still choose not to leave them in any circumstances.

 I starts to appreciate, tho sometimes I feel like they treat me like a baby,

that's the way they show their caring... 

Love them! ;)

It was just an empty cage. RIP.

How to start to story?

Did I ever told you that I love seeing cute bunny & inside myself I always hope to adopt one.

I know I don't have any experience on advocate any pet before. 

But under the support from him, and very sure can taking care of one under his guiding, 

I open my heart to adopt one. He bought it! 

Yes, he bought one cute little bunny-boy. Guess it is months old. Greyish in color.

Last Saturday, was the first time he entered into my room and my world.

It brighten my life. Everytime I will peep at him, to see what he is doing. Lol, he's sucha cute little boy!

Wonder what name should he be named?

Until yesterday evening, he looked weird. He kept excretes mucus that was wet and smelly; Diarrhea. 

At first I thought he was suffered from dirty water. YieNan then change the water he drank. 

It kept me worrying until night, he finally poo a hard one. 

Thinking he was okey, me and YieNan went out to buy burger. 

When came back, I saw that bunny kept hiding and when I went closer, he suddenly dropped his head!!

Our fav stun on him! Act die. Lol. Stun 1.

 It was a moment when YieNan took him out, hold him and kept saying.. "hey.. what's wrong with you??" 

I saw the bunny so weak.. it can't even held his own head, even hardly to stand still, just like a cotton. 

YieNan gave me signal that the bunny is going to die. 

Feel shocked and blanked, I hold my tears, not letting it to flow out. 

 The bunny struggles to survive, it seems like suffocate, losing its breath, but keep breathing. 

It hurts me the most to see it like that, finally, tears came out. 

It then showing the signal of tetanus or lockjaw. Why? Because it's showing the symptoms like muscular rigidity and breathing difficulties. We both feel so helpless, can't help but put it on a towel then place it inside the cage. We both laying on the bed, thinking to close our eyes, but it just so sad to think that it struggling alone. YieNan kept console me.

Stun 2.

Stun 3.

 It's just some time then suddenly, heard a sound from the cage. It was 1 something in the morning. We both woke up to see the bunny. YieNan keep pressing the bunny to prevent it from struggling because the bunny keep on turning his body, something like can't stand the pain. There was a sound coming from him. The sound of gasping for air.. 

Miss his stuns, ;(

 It was the first time and last time I heard from a bunny. Holding tears, we both knew he will leaves us soon, so we kept accompany it for the last time. 

Yes, the last moment before he died, his body cramped. 

He was trying to escape! So naughty! Lol.

Deciding to buried him the next day, we put it inside a box, place it in the cage. 

Woke up in the morning looking at the cage, there was no sign of him anymore, because I keep hoping that he will awake from his sweetest dream. 

Lol. Nothing inside, but an empty cage. Hope he will rest in peace, he will. 

The moment that I remembered most was the moment YieNan holding it and said his eyes was blinking. 

And I ask the bunny to blink again, and it seemed like listen to what I said as it blinked again. 

I asked YieNan that why that bunny didn't showed that he was suffering in the beginning, 

YieNan said, that bunny don't want to make me worry, he keep hold on until we came back from outside. Haven't think a name for him, he already leaved us. I miss you.

RIP. T.T

Gloomy vs Rainbow

This is my life. Currently busying for assignments and revision on midterms. 

Just left Business Ethics and Business Finance assignments only. 

Actually, Ethics assignments should be passed up by last week, but was rejected by Darren.

Then we need to redo it again. The next submit day is next Monday, 

but I got a feeling that it will be rejected too. Hopefully my instinct was not true. lol.

I read my blog, all seems gloomy, I guess, I will start to make it more  to rainbow.. I hope I can do it.

Cheers.. <3

I need a rest!

So stressful. But I can't find any method to release my tension. Perhaps I need some clubbing, alcohol or one day trip to anywhere I want. Sounds fun, but hard to do it. The coming weeks is not the 'enjoying' week. It's a 'sacrifices' week ever! This Sem is really bringing me to hell!

Tonight I feel so blue, all because the loads of works from the subjects taken! Gross! So, I barely talk so much. I feel so lazy to talk about it with someone. Because I can't find anyone that I really can share. I mean I need someone who can gives me advises what to do instead of listen and just let the wind blow away it. I'm not that kind! Since I can't find anyone to talk with, I think I will use the easiest way to release the loads; drinks! I'm not an alcoholic person, but drinking is just my other way to release stress, and I don't feel it's a crime. A normal human being need to release the heavy burden on shoulder, but different people, different way! Someone need to respect my decision, I guess so. However, talks so much still rubbish. Because I've promise not to drink anymore. Unless oneday I really gone mad and crazy!

Pray for the new Sem.

I'm just entering into this so-called not a honeymoon year anymore. Year two Semester one. 

I begin to feel unsure about my decision on choosing those subjects. Somehow, I still feel bit more pressure.

I took Business Finance, Business Ethics, Performance Management, Audit, and also Company Law.

Those subjects really killing me so fast, I guess so.

I should not look down on them and need to work hard in this Semester. Gosh.

I've known what road will I be going to walk in this Sem, should be a hard and rocky type...

I just hope with all the hard work I'm going to give out, will equally get back the result I want !

Cheers for tomorrow. :)

take care

I hope, you and me will have a nice chat before we both leave.. But, hope is just another hope.
You just busy with your stuff and preparing for your journey, as I predicted.

Have a safe journey to China. And take care. :"(

24/7

I wish to know more about  you, but... I know there will always be a limit.

I can't ask you 24/7. And I've stopped.

And I do, I did and I done.

You can just do what you want. And I will just won't ask who what where and when.

Leaving you some space and freedom is my job now. 

dot..com

Nothing was on my mind. 

I'm at my hometown now. 

Will be holiday for 2 weeks. 

First week will be going to Taiwan. 

I hope this time journey will make me a happier and wiser person. 

><

read, seen.

太爱一个人，你会太在乎他/她会跟谁一起，心里是否有你；
太爱一个人，会被他/她牵着鼻子走，完全不能自己；
太爱一个人，会无原则地忍受他/她，慢慢他/她习惯这种纵容；
太爱一个人，他/她会习惯你对他/她的好，而忘了自己也应该付出。
所以，爱一个人不要爱十分，八分已足够，剩下的两分爱自己。

chatter.

I'm not a good chatter. I maybe don't understand what's in your mind. I maybe too care of what you think until I need to think twice for what I wrote. Every time chat with you, I will think how to chat longer with you. But I guess what I done is useless :). All this times. So, I'm not a good Facebook or Msn chatter. Compare to your friends, I think I'm the one who you will not chat until so long.

But I know someone out there will appreciate, would like to chat with me. I believe until today, he's the one who understand what I mean even I wrote one stupid sentence and the one who compatible to chat with me. Sometimes chat with him gives me a satisfy feeling. Because there's still someone out there can makes me need not to make any effort to spice up our conversation. ;) I feel free and relax to chat with you.

APPRECIATE.

think out of the box?

Last night, me and Yie Nan went to Secret Recipe for our dinner. 

Maybe because it's Mother's Day, there was totally loaded! Luckily there was seat for us. 

I saw a family. 

An old couple with their 2 daughters, one son with his wife and a baby daughter. 

Yeah, it's clear that they are celebrating that special day. 

I just sat opposite of them. 

There was nothing wrong with them, it's just my eyes suddenly focused on that old man; their father.

Their table is rectangular, both daughters sat with their sister in-law, one row. 

The son sat with their parents, one row. 

Their old mother sat in between son and husband. 

Well, what capture my eyes? 

At first, one of the daughter kept taking photos with the baby, and the food they ordered. 

Some of the members chatting with each other. 

I suddenly realize that old man seemed like not comfortable in that situation.

The family member just did not focus on him. 

Not even a words spoken to him! 

Even his daughter who just sat opposite of him. 

There was a lot of things came across my mind. What makes them to treat him like that? 

What I saw, that old man was trying to hold the baby(comfort her) from his son, but his son did not even see his father and walked out. 

So pathetic. 

From the moment I sat down, until I ordered my foods, until I finished my dinner, each of the second my eyes is focusing on him. 

He never ever talked one sentence or words out from his mouth! 

Even his wife never talked to him.

I just feel sad. What can I do? I treasure my family. I don't hope this will ever happen in my life. 

Love.

time flies

We only have 24 hours in a day. 

Another 7-8 hours is for sleeping. 

Left here only 16 hours. 

How will you use your 16 hours per day in life? 

Eat? Play or study?

No matter how much I divided my time, I will never have had enough use of it.

Today I already spent my 12 hours for sleeping. 

Another 12 hours, I will use it wisely. 

But I guess, I will miscalculate it. 

I maybe used it on Facebook, eating, loitering, fooling with him, and other nonsense thing. 

Another 2-3 hours maybe spent on my precious revision. 

Imagine I used 9 hours on other people and 3 hours on myself? 

LOL.

People, use your time wisely, 24 hours is really a precious time ever in a day! 

Cheers.

I wish I was beautiful

U.G.L.Y

According to Dictionary.com, ugly is defined as...

1.very unattractive or unpleasant to look at; offensive to the sense of beauty; displeasing in appearance.

2.disagreeable; unpleasant; objectionable: ugly tricks; ugly discords.

3.morally revolting: ugly crime.

Don't look at me if you're looking for beauty.

If a guy tells you they don't care your appearance, 

for they just like you. Is all about you, not your beauty, 9 out of 10 will be telling lies. 

What kind of guys don't like a pretty girl? 

I just don't believe there's such a guy out there.

Starting from your hair to toe, he will looks for the perfection. 

A girl need to know what his boyfriend likes about her, so that she can maintain that to tackle his heart. 

But it's a fail for a girl if she does not know what he likes about her. 

I'm the one.

What he likes about me? I don't know. 

I was trying to make my own assumptions, but I get nothing in the end of the days. 

Why I was saying like this?

He said; You're ugly; maid; small kid; witch; etc...

He doesn't praise me anymore.

He doesn't admire me like the time he chase me anymore.

He changed.

I really hope I'm beautiful like the girls outside, 

like the girls he always praise them in front of me when he saw them... 

but I'm not. I'm just me, myself. 

I think he likes them better than me.

Isn't he?

Then, who am I in his heart? 

The one who helps him to do assignment?

The one who helps him to clean his room?

The one who can fulfills his heart whenever he feels lonely?

The one who can accompany him whenever he feels alone?

Or the one who can be with him every night?

Imperfection happen when the other part starts to tear down the confidence of the other part.

When a guys starts to giving up as he doesn't like your appearence anymore,

that's is a jerk.

For a girl, she will starts losing hope.

What she did all this time, all gone like a wind.

Just imagine, your own beloved tell you that you're ugly,

How do you feel? 

If your mother tells you, "kid, you are ugly!".

It's just a same matter.

I'm not perfect. Who did?

Gambate :D

Tomorrow having the second exam. Then the day after tomorrow will be having the third exam. Oh my. This totally freak me out, because both of them really in the important subject which I can't fail and I hope to do well. QT two and FAF one. I just hope I can do my QT two well because I don't wish to repeat it. I don't wish to see maths again. Huhu. This time I already spent my time revise on it just to hope I can pass it. :) same goes to FAF one. I already done my revision last week. God bless us!

My hubby, I miss you so much. Maybe I already get used to the presence of you. I feel uneasy without you by my side. I miss the moment I argue with you, I miss the moment you mess around with me, I miss the moment you ask me to hug you. :D but I know, after tomorrow we will meet again. Hooray~

It's my bad habit to be with you :( because my life already included you. We both are one. No others. :)
371 days already gone. Love you so much, I hope for the rest of my life there will be you and same goes to you, I guess? :) Hopefully. If you see this, let me know how you think? Because I don't like the feeling of SS-ing alone here. Sobs.

Okeyla, need to continue revise the last chapter. Jiayou for tomorrow 9 am guys. :))

Blogging time again.

Hope everyday is like today, Because my mood totally high and happy.
Just don't know why, but I guess it's because my coursework marks?
Hehe.
Others subject still Okey, because I predict that the probability for me to pass them is positive. =)
But my QT totally suxx. I hope I can score for my final as now my midterm marks only 17/40. *gosh*
Because now I'm studying and courting my QT sincerely. I've a feeling I can pass it smoothly *confident*
Baby QT, please enter into my brain... let me remember you for this Semester...
Then you will be free later.. I promise to let you go after this Sem :) Tehee~ :D

It's raining now. My favourite weather ever! Because it's better than a hot weather. Somehow I feel romantically when in raining day :) make my mood better! Huhu. But, I don't hope it's a storm rain. Because it's scary and no one is beside me :( but I guess I'm strong enough. *wink* just don't hope it will blackout, otherwise...

My wound is getting better, Thanks to YieNan. All this time he's by my side, accompany me through my pain and sweat. Haha. I will remember the moment when the nurse washed my wound, and how the way I squeezed your hand like I squeezed a sponge. Hahaa. And the most thing I'm sure we both will remember is I still can joked even the nurse wash my wound with antibiotic (it's like pouring salt on your own ulser). I guess we both will remember the way I said, " Pizza!!" "Chicken rice!!", "Hmm, Sushi!!" xD~~

I'm totally crazy, and guess what again? The nurse join us laughing too, but I know somehow when she thinks back, she might saying I'm bakchi? Bakchilization on me. Zz. Hehe. But instead of a bad memory, I guess I have had made it a deletable memory. :)

Will be upload the images of mine from it get burn-Day 1 until the day it got virus infection(gross) and until the day it getting better. 

Till now, bye. I need to continue study my QT. GAMBATEH!

What a day...

It's the assignments week dude ;( sad case when I think about Law. Law make my life miserable, precisely, is our life! Totally have no idea how to start it, do it and finish it up. Crack my head thinking about it, nearly give up the halfway... hopefully I can have time to finish up another half before the due date.

Yesterday, Tsunami happen in Japan. And there are tsunami alert around. I just hope everyone is free and safe. Hope God will bless us all, and lets pray for the tsunami victims. *pray*. Sometimes, something make us feel that we should be more graceful about what we have now... Living in Malaysia with families members or the loved one around, we should feel blessed! :)

He came to see me, umm, is came to give back my bus ticket. I was so damn clumsy left my bus ticket in his car.. and he drive all along to Kampar just to give it back. He scare I miss my bus xD~ And he just back to Ipoh. And I started to miss him badly. He bought me Domino's pizza. And it was my first time to taste it. VERY SUPER NICE. Thousand times better than Pizza Hut! I recommend that guys should try it at least once! =) Thousand time thanks to him too. Thank you lover <3

Today 0915am bus to Terengganu. Hopefully the bus driver will bring me to destination safely. I miss my family so much!

Till now, chao~ gudnyte peeps ;)